Working on it, but affair hasn't ended yet...

[t33]

Thanks again CaliGuy. Here is what happened and how this morning went.

While out she texts me if I have a minute. I respond I do. She says it's not important and can wait. I say, sure. I'll call you next time I step outside. I call 45 minutes later. She says she went for her consult already and was having dinner by herself. I said that was great and if she liked the design (keeping PMA). She asks if I want to go with her Tuesday. I say I will if I can, but it's during the day and I have to work. I don't think I will be able to.

I get home late and she's falling asleep but crying. Having a few drinks I rub her back in a consoling manner. She asks why do I try? I ask if she thinks I've given up. She says she's not crying because of our failed marriage. She's crying because she still loves OM and he won't even see her. I rub her back for a minute or two more and then go to sleep.

This morning before work we have our coffee and a smoke. As we're sitting there she talks about the kids a bit (school and non-related stuff). Then she asks if we should find a divorce lawyer. Per my DB coach I respond in an empathetic response, "I'd hate for anybody to be stuck in a loveless marriage". She then tells me she's staying at her job. I say, "You have to do whatever makes you happy". (I know she's not happy at that job). She then says she won't go out of the country with me for my job at the beginning of the year (if I take that job), and I should take a job for myself and the kids and not for her. I said something like I always will take a job based on me and the kids and not her (even though it's been family choices/approved in the past). She then asks if she can keep my last name because it's a pain to change it. I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was something like she can do whatever she wants to do. All this while trying to keep PMA. She then asks if we should stay living together for the kids. I say "We don't have to make any decisions at the moment".

So, for her she's working her mind to a place where we are divorced but living together for the kids. I suppose cake eating to enjoy the house, car, kids, money, etc. while going about her life. I suppose the good news is she's not moving out yet? Or is it worse that she's just going to stay?

She's still very depressed about OM, so I have to let that work it's way out for the next few weeks I suppose, and then see where things go? We wouldn't have been leaving out of the country until January, so there is still time for DBing. Still, I'm feeling pretty hopeless at the moment...