Huge Backslide After Affair Recovery

[hopeOK]

Last night, h was acting a bit different... he called when he was on his way home from work instead of texting as he had been doing since becoming so angry with me. Then he came and sat where I was sitting outside eating dessert later in the evening. I was of course paying attention to these small things (especially after reading the book & knowing how to set small goals that would show me progress) but I wasn't willing to believe they meant anything because he has been up & down so much throughout the past few weeks.

Well then when we were going to bed, I noticed that he was facing my side of the bed rather than away as he had been. After I got into bed he said he wanted to talk to me about something & I was nervous but said ok. He said- I think I am starting to not be so angry about what you said. I was a bit in shock but I acted calm & told him that I was glad to hear that. Then I settled down to sleep. Then he said- I want to ask you a question. I was nervous again but said ok. He then asked me why I thought it was ok for me to remain friends w/ a guy on fb who I had admitted to flirting with when I expected him to have no contact w/ the OP with whom he had the affair. I told him that I had failed to look at it from his perspective and instead just saw this guy as someone I had turned down because I was married & someone who I had no desire for what-so-ever. (Last week this sore spot came to my attention & I swiftly unfriended this guy on fb... I really never had anything going w/ him.) So then he says, "Do you have anything you would like to ask me?" I then said, "Is there something I need to know?" He said no. Then my brain was screaming - have you started talking to the OP? Why have you friended her on FB? etc, etc. But I took a few breaths and decided that now was not the time. I needed to do the opposite of what I would normally do. So I said, "no, there isn't anything I would like to ask right now. But is this my only chance to ask questions?" to which he replied no. So then we went to sleep.

SO... things are starting to possibly move in a more positive direction. However, I am cautiously optimistic. I realize that we have undone so much of what we had recovered in our counseling and there is no way I can just jump back into things & I am sure he cannot either. My thought is to continue on as planned & as I have been doing for the last few days & wait & see. But I am already planning ahead... at what point should I address the issue of this OP, if they have had more going on, why he is friends w/ her on fb, etc? I am kind of thinking I should wait & see what happens ... see if he unfriends her (he only friended her after he became so angry with me & he also unfriended me on fb) & friends me back? Set a time to address it... like if he hasn't made changes on his own in regards to this in a week or should it be more of a discussion we have when/if he starts to make moves to be closer to me. Ugh. So many questions!