Where I focus on charity and prayer

[DifRent]

In the kitchen here at my friend's house, drinking some coffee, tired because of yet another sleepless night. When will I ever stop waking up at 2am with that sad and hopeless pit in my gut? How long does it take?

I can't stop thinking about all the angry things she said to me yesterday. Mostly it was just that we're over, and I need to "deal with this loss," and stop telling people she's crazy. I use holy water to bless the house and always have, decided to use a little more lately - and in reading that she said I need to stop "messing" with her mind, "because you know how superstitious I am."

She was never supposed to see any of that, of course. And one of the reasons why she's snooped, I'm sure, is to see what I'm telling other people - her image and reputation are very important to her, and she thinks I'm dragging both through the mud by asking people to pray for her during this MLC. In fact, she threatened to "retaliate," although I don't know what that means or how she'd do it. She's also not happy that certain people know the OW came into the picture before any kind of BD, so that's also a perception she can't control.

I'm a person of faith, so there is a part of me that has been thinking that her heightened agitation has a lot to do with all the prayers and an unsettled conscience. Now that I see she's read all this stuff (really, none of it awful, she just knows that I've got people praying for her because she's dealing with a crisis), I don't know - it could just be a reaction to what she's read.

The irony is I left the house early yesterday to avoid her for the rest of the day, but between the argument we had on the way out the door, the texts, and the phone call in the evening, we haven't had that much contact in weeks!

I have to go home today, will have to face her, have no idea what to expect. I'm so ready to move out.