Just finished the 5 Love Languages. That would have been a BIG help from the start of our M. Holy smokes was I off base.
How heartbreaking to realize that so much of our M could have been fixed with small tweaks and those small tweaks would have led to much bigger levels of happiness. I was certainly going about the M in a number of ineffective ways and not realizing that, just trying to do more of what wasn't working.
If only we knew then what we know now, right? M is hard and people are rarely equipped with the tools needed to survive. The sad part is we finally realize we needed those tools only when hit with something like BD.
Sometimes the only way we can see the light is to experience the darkness first.
'The Solo Partner' I'm finding very useful also. Goes into emotional reactivity, being defensive and the pursuit/distancing dynamic. I had issues with all of these in the M so its helping understand where they came from and how the arguments me and W had spiraled out of control from something stupid. I'm still reading through it, there are a few other chapters that may apply to me also.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
