"Thanks Matt and I agree it probably did new to be mentioned at the beginning. It is something she uses to validate her behavior and reason for wanting out of our marriage."
And she'd be right.
You spend alot of time scorekeeping in terms of how what she's doing is so much worse than what you did. Cheating is cheating. It is admirable that you "came clean", but in the end, you were the one that wanted out and cheated first. Cheating does alot of damage and, as you know, is an extreme breach of trust.
Even though you two went to C, there was probably a part of her that never let it go. Just because you are okay with it, doesn't mean that she has to be. People react differently. You say that you didn't do anything "destructive" to her in the same way that she's doing to you. I say you're wrong. The emotional destruction is usually much worse than the physical or financial.
Again, I'm not justifying what she's doing, but the fact that you left out that part of your story and made yourself out to be the "good guy" here shows that you have alot to learn about relationships and about your role in all this.
I agree he should have mentioned this but only because it helps us understand her some of her inappropriate justifications and rationalizations; not because "she'd be right".
I'm over a decade recovered. My wife has repented for her behavior and I have forgiven her. Her sin is as far from the east as the west. If I hold onto resentments that is my current sin and not my wife's fault. I am not justified to cheat on my wife today because of what she did "first". Her affair would play no role in my choices. My character, my vows and my choices are not controlled by nor dependent upon my wife.
SURRRRRRELY if I were to become wayward I would use the excuse. SUURRRRRRELY, I would try to rationalize and justify my wayward behavior telling anyone that would listen about how my wife cheated on me first while forgetting to mention it was over a decade ago and SURRRRELY I would attempt to manipulate my wife to keep quiet about any such wayward behavior or I'd tell everyone about what she did a decade ago; but, none of that would be something my wife would need to spend a minute upon "analyzing" and trying to figure out "her role in this". Instead, the current non-wayward me would want her fighting her butt off doing anything she could to try to stop me and save me from destroying my integrity and my family.
Wayward spouses do what wayward spouses do. They will use whatever rationalizations and justifications are handy. They are not real excuses. They are the sideshow. They are the peeling paint in the men's room on the Titanic. Not completely irrelevant but certainly a purposed distraction from the main show. Certainly learning how to improve his marital relationshis is an important skill for prowl to study and understand. They've got 6 kids counting on them. But a long discussing about his very modest seeming emotional affair IS mostly irrelevant, especially in the context of him having to "accept his role in this" as though it's his fault.
I just don't understand why the focus is on Prowl and what he did 5 years ago when his life is falling apart around him today. Begging, pursuing and pleading with a wayward isn't advised and neither is running around apologizing for past misdeeds and missteps that occur in EVERY marriage. Waywards just eat up those discussions and simply use it to further fuel their affairs.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
