In which I'm feeling lost, but will perservere (2)

[Elly4]

New thread time. Here's my old ones for people to catch on if desired.

First thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2526046#Post2526046

Second thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2556592&page=1

Third thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2556680&page=1

Fourth thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2569946#Post2569946

Fifth Thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2583302&page=1

[Elly4]

Originally Posted By: Eirinn

And then, part 2. My H let me know this morning that his friend was coming by to give our S a birthday present. She only was here for 5 minutes, but it was very strange feeling.
E


"Good and bad here.
Good - husband was honest and up front about his friend coming over. That is exactly what you asked him to do and he acquiesced. You did very well with this request BTW!!!

Bad, your h let his friend over. That was uncomfortable. Did she bring her son with?

Well you are going to have some free time this weekend, does your little one like carnivals or the beach or fireworks... something Different? You can make this kinda memorable for you two. "

Zephyr, thank you for letting me know that I worded the boundary well. I was quite stressed about it as I don't normally do that. She did not bring her son and she brought things to help with his potty training which I felt was inappropriate as my H and I had gotten everything he needed for that. (which is done btw. Only took two days!) I would have understood a book or two, but she brought him underwear, towels, soap, and books for the training. But I STFU and thanked her nicely for the gifts for our s.

I was thinking of taking my S to fireworks, but as he's normally in bed by 7, I'm not sure how he'll handle staying up that late. But then again, he'll live.
I think we might do a hike ourselves this weekend as well and some dog training.

*hugs*
E

[Elly4]

"Hey Eirinn, I hope your son is having a wonderful time at camp and your workshop is good.

It stinks that your H is going on a hike over the 4th but I know you will find something fun for your and your son to do."

Hi Teach! My son has been enjoying camp this week. It is a movement week, so he's been able to experiment with a lot of heavy work which is very good for him.

My workshop has been a lot of fun for me. I didn't realize how much I missed hanging out with a lot of fellow teachers and talking good practices. It has been very rejuvenating in some ways, and exhausting in others.

My s mentioned today though, after three full days with me working, that he's missing "Mommy and S time". I know he'll get used to it, but it made me a little sad.

I'm glad that my H is getting out and finding out what he likes to do, but I do wish he had picked a different weekend. Of course, as this is a three day weekend, it allows him to hike without worrying about work as much. I asked him if he would prefer for us not to go to fireworks as it will be our s's first time, but he said he didn't mind not going. So we will probably watch some fireworks and do some hiking ourselves.

Thanks again for checking in. How are you doing?

E

[Elly4]

So my H just sent me this text

"Mt plans for the weekend have changed but not the time I will be gone. I will tell you about it tonight."

And my mind immediately goes to my H's "friend" and whether she's involved. I know, mindreading, but can't help it.

On a side note, do I refer to her as an OW even if I believe there is no PA?

Hate this stuff.

[Elly4]

I'm picturing Nemo's dad and Dori going "just keep swimming, just keep swimming." One minute at a time. Dreading going home, and it's probably nothing. Stop thinking, Eirinn. Stop!

[Bob723]

On a side note, do I refer to her as an OW even if I believe there is no PA?

Hello Eirinn,

Thanks for your post in my thread! Well, that's a good question but I'm not sure it's worth even expending any energy or thought on. Since you asked, my first thought was, yes. Why? Even if there is no PA, but there is an EA, I think she is considered an OW. Now, others' may certainly disagree with me. Sorry if I'm not helping much here, E. That's my feeling about it.

As for your "Hate this stuff." comment...amen sister!

You are always in my thoughts and prayers. I still have this gut feeling that you will make it thru this "$%^# stuff."

Hang tough, "sis."

xoxo

Bob

[Elly4]

Thanks, Bob. I think I'm just really tired, but I hate texts that tell us we"ll talk later. Always make me feel like I'm being sent to the principal.

Only reason what I ask what to call her is I always pause before I write about her on here. Guess I can do the OW as it is definitely EA.

Thanks again, Bob. I've grown to really depend on this board and the feedback I get.

*hugs* bro
E

[Elly4]

So the change was that his guy partner couldn't go hiking with him, so now he's day hiking and staying at a campground at night.

I seriously need to detach more though as I wonder if that's what really happened or if he is staying at the campground to allow OW to be with him.

I shouldn't be thinking about that though. I should be thinking of fun things to do with my S instead.

Bad E

[Bob723]

Thanks, Bob. I think I'm just really tired, but I hate texts that tell us we’ll talk later. Always make me feel like I'm being sent to the principal.

Only reason what I ask what to call her is I always pause before I write about her on here. Guess I can do the OW as it is definitely EA.

Thanks again, Bob. I've grown to really depend on this board and the feedback I get.

You're welcome, Eirinn. I'm sure you are tired because when we are on an emotional roller coaster like we find ourselves, up to 85% of our energy is taken up by our emotions. Normally, it would only be about 25%. I posted somewhere on this forum (maybe before you joined) about this. I learned about it in a Divorce Support Group I was attending.

My guess was that's why you were asking how to refer to your H's PA "friend." Sadly, I think OW does fit in your sitch.

I, like you, have grown to really depend on this board and the feedback I get. Thank God for this board.

Oh, and Eirinn, please don't be so hard on yourself. I read all your thread since the last time I did and saw your very last post. The "Bad E" at the end I totally disagree with. You were probably just kidding, but in case you were serious, stop that thinking now. I admit, I've thought that about myself, too, but realized it brought me down. You are "Good E" and human. This is all very hard and I think many people on this board with a sitch like yours would be wondering the same thing.

You have been making great progress. Keep it going. Little by little, you'll think less about your H being/not being with the OW. Focus on what you can control. Easier said than done, I know!

Many, many *Hugs* and prayers to you.

P.S. If you want me to post the topic about energy distribution during a time of crisis, let me know.

"Brother" Bob

[Elly4]

Bob, I would love to see that energy distribution topic! I'm just sooo tired lately. I know I have a lot of changes going on at once, but I really wish I could wake up refreshed.

Hope you're having a better night,

*hugs*
E