Just Fishin'

[mahhhty]

After the D is finalize, I'm not surprised that both of you are detaching. It isn't like an S or BD. It is a D. Just let the dust settle & GAL. I don't think anything you do one way or the other will hasten things toward less distance at this point.

Are their any indirect connections? Mutual friends, people from your or or activities, etc. that she knows & might run into? If so, she will be keeping tabs on you. Just keep the PMA and looking like you are doing fine wo/ her. If she holds a grudge, that will take some air out of her sails and get her thinking about how miserable her life likely is. Maybe it isn't miserable, but as long as she thinks she is punishing you, she doesn't have to focus on herself.

You also may not even be aware of what she is doing to not let you get too far out of sight. Checking happens. Just like you in a sense were checking via her mother, she is likely doing so in her own way, but you don't know about it (yet). Again, maybe not. Either way, what is there to do but let the dust settle some more and see what happens.

Next time you do have real contact, see how things go. Don't expect much, but just see how things go. Then give it some more time. Let her digest that.

After D, if you are serious about standing in there, you know that the rules have changed so that you can't talk about getting the kind of feedback we look for in days or weeks, or even months.

Are you getting out and doing things with other people (I don't mean dating), but you only mention a solo activity, & your work sounds somewhat isolating. I sense some depression that might be helped by some socializing.

asitis,
You are probably spot on. And you didn't even read my next post yet. I do well, during the day, and kayaking. The quiet does get me. With kayaking I almost always go with people and that has been really rewarding. I don't think about any of these items until I am alone, and then I overthink them. Mutual friends.... We have many mutual friends, that started out as my friends. She has lost touch with all people from HS & College. For her it is coworkers and family.