Working on it, but affair hasn't ended yet...

[t33]

With respect to the distance, the way I think about it is like you're on a walk together but she's three steps ahead of you. What you want to do is just STOP WALKING. Of course, for the first bit, she IS going to get farther away. That's ok. What's not ok is stopping for a bit and then running after her. Or stopping and walking the other way. Our goal is to just stop walking and read a book or watch the clouds or something. The HOPE is that somedY, she will turn around and start walking back.

Thank you Matt777, that is a great analogy. So hard. Of course I feel like our marriage fell apart because I already stopped walking, so it's very hard to do the same thing again.

Trying hard to figure out how to apply this while lovingly detaching. The kids are with my parents and we were supposed to go meet them for 4th of July. Do I bother asking if she's going? Do I just plan to go and leave her if she doesn't join? I'm not at a NC stage, so how do I apply this here? Ask with PMA and show PMA with either response?

Alot of things have happened ... are you the only one who has ever been wher eyou are? Nope ... That being said ... if you do not follw the advice, take some of the DB tools and actually USE them, then all you fear that will happen probably will

As usual, you are spot on. And no, I know I'm not the only one where I am - and I'm thankful to have the support here. Still I feel pathetic groveling. I just have nowhere else to go. I'm trying to follow advice. Trying to follow DB coach advice. Trying to stay strong.

Let her pout/mourn her long lost love ... the one that she knew deep down was wrong and would never amount to anything. Mickey Mouse died and its tragic ... let her be.

Happy to let her be. If it takes weeks for her to get over the OM - I can deal with that. I just don't want her to do something extreme in the meantime in the heat of emotion/depression/anger. But yes - again I know - detach, it's her choices.

In a similar fashion, I'm holding off the other job opportunity for as long as I can - but I know there will come a time when I can't hold them any longer. If she chooses to give up the opportunity of a lifetime, again, that will have to be her choice.

Today I'm a bit of a wreck. I know I know...detach...it's for me, not for her - but my god it's hard. Saw in her calendar she scheduled a tattoo consult for tomorrow. She's talked about wanting to get it for a while, but now she's fully moving forward and hasn't told me. I know - detach and let go.

Its ok to be a wreck .. we all have been there. Just DO NOT show that side to her. No woman is attracted to Eeyore. The tattoo ... let her do it, her body, her choice .... depending on what she gets it may be another mistake she will later regret. ... again ... nothing to do with you.

Agreed - I have been holding strong when I'm with her. It's draining though. And when I'm alone, or at work, or wandering around aimlessly, it's very hard. The tattoo is hard. It's something we've talked about. I was going to go with her (it's not her first). I might have gotten my first with her this time. Again, detach, but so hard. What do I say when she tells me she's doing it? Or does it without telling me? DB coach says in every interaction she has an expected reaction. I suppose her expected reaction from me would be to push against it. I guess I react in a positive and encouraging way? But does that come across as just saying it to try to "win her back" or is there a way to not come across that way? I suppose I'm over analyzing, I just have no idea.

I just shared in another thread, scientists say it takes 100 days of no contact/acts to break an addictive pattern. she is on day what .. 2-3? When and if she texts him .. reset this clock.

And now she's not leaving her job, so he'll always be accessible - but I suppose eventually it won't be hopeless...hopefully..

No near separation here ... I have been separated for almost 2 years now. Guess what ... in the last 2 weeks I have slept with my wife 9 nights out of 13.

So amazing. Inspiring and scary.