I feel you are way to much in H's head, what is he doing, thinking, the coffee shop thing, the hot tub deal ... does any of this really matter? Nope .... he is in crisis and there is no making sense out of it, you are trying to take the cooked spaghetti and make it all straight to make sense of it and it just does not work that way.
Another thing, asking him if he is going to build the hot tub .. that add pressure ... plus it was nothing more than a temp check by you hoping he says yes so you can feel warm and fuzzy that he may come home soon ... he needs to get through this on his own, in the mean time you need to detach ... you will go nuts as GB put it if you don't
