I'm glad I found you help! Our situations are so similar. I'm 163 days sober (pot and alcohol) myself today and am six months into a separation similar to yours. My W just got sick of hearing that "things are stressful at work right now, I'll deal with this next month" and the lack of true intimacy between us that having a substance issue brings - and took off.
One of my favorite lines to people is that I don't recommend sobriety and the emotional divorce in the same time period. Holy smokes what a gut shot. You finally feel every single emotion that's been buried for the last 10 years or so when your emotions are at their highest! Talk about a crash course in emotional intelligence.
Stay strong, it sounds like your W is still questioning things which is good. I know that mine still thinks I'm sober for her benefit (not true), and unfortunately this month on possibly bad information I made the mistake of letting her know I still wanted to be with her. When I have pulled completely away it's freaked her out a bit, but she's then come back and also said how she sees it as me being happier without her....double edged sword. I haven't seen her in 3 months.
All we can do is the basics - focus on turning yourself and keeping yourself, truly, as a man only a fool would leave. You and I weren't that in our M's. Quiet the opposite as our W's weren't fools, we were.
Have you been working a program? I went to AA a few times but it wasn't for me, alcohol wasn't my main vice, marijuana was. I've been working with Refuge Recovery, and Buddhist version of the 12 steps that doesn't really care what the substance of your addiction was, but gets after the underlying discontent that led to it. It's been more than helpful for me both with my addictions and my situation.
Stay strong, my friend. I sat myself down early on and told myself that if I had lose my W to gain my sobriety it was the heaviest of prices to pay. BUT, we both have long lives ahead of us and lives without alcohol will be far richer than lives with them. That's huge. Focus on that.
PP
Last edited by PigPen; 07/01/1505:50 PM.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
