TLEE, I'm sorry to read this....It's a tough journey. It sounds as though you are comparing yourself with others and saying - hey, I should be doing better with this. And I don't think you should be so hard on yourself. It takes time to get to a place where you can accept what is happening. I still think about my H more than I would ideally like. His life has little to do with mine just now, but I still give him headspace. I'm working on that one...

It does sound as though it would help to come up with a plan that helps you work towards rebuilding your own life and detaching from the situation with your W more. You say that you think you need to see someone. Do you mean an IC? It sounds as though that may be useful for you. I saw an IC for a while and it was helpful. You're a bright guy and it sounds as though you could sit there for an hour and 'talk the talk.' But you can truly use that time to dig deep too - and explore the possibility that you and your W may not reconcile - and what would that mean for your life going forward? Because it does you no harm to start building THAT life now - even if you and your W do reconcile.

In terms of feeling alone. I get the thing about friends and not talking about it. I went to a friend's house for dinner this week and my sitch wasn't even mentioned! It has become old news now. But there is support out there, and it may be useful to find a support forum where you can share things. Some guys here are involved in NMMNG forums, some attend D support groups, some belong to church support and so on. But it may help to link with others who are going through a similar time and share with them.

Here's the thing - You are a young and talented guy. Whether you or your W reconcile or not, there is a good life to live ahead of you. It is a tough time right now, but you can move slowly and painfully in the direction of that good life you want for yourself - with baby steps if needed. But it's the general direction of travel (forwards) that's important.

Putting your W to one side just now - what baby steps can you take this week to keep your direction of travel moving forwards?

Take care TLEE xx

Last edited by Toots; 07/01/15 07:28 AM.
T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus