Thank you. If it weren't for this forum I wouldn't have known how destructive it is to follow that urge to learn.
The new full-time job is crowding out other projects, including my studies (Psychology), but this is okay for now while I find my feet in this position-- it's good to be occupied and it's even better to be paid a full-time salary for it. On evenings this week, Monday was acting class; Tuesday-Wednesday are rehearsals; Thursday, Friday, and Saturday are second/twelfth/fifth dates with three delightful ladies.
So life moves on, and I'm totally dark with STBX. Zero contact, none of her stuff left behind, no nothin'. I understand why she left, I recognize my own culpability, I accept the mistakes that were made.
Which is why it bothers me that anything still bothers me. I feel as though I should be able to just put everything behind me and move on. But at the same time, I realize that I've just been through the worst emotional trauma of my life, and it's only been a month or so since there was any kind of "closure"... so supposedly I can't avoid feeling badly sometimes.
...but that stinks!
I have one more visit with the counselor scheduled (and might be the last one while I'm still on my STBX's insurance). I'll see if I can't figure out with her whether I'm leaving some stone dangerously unturned or whether the ill feelings that pop into my life are just lingering unanswerable frustrations.
The reason I suspect the latter is that the bad feelings I'm experiencing now tend to resemble the feelings I always have had, throughout my life, whenever I've been single. I have never, ever enjoyed life as a single person.
Hm... actually, that's really the point, isn't it. For the first time in my life, I should look for a way to overcome those bad feelings that does not depend on having a romantic partner.
