New marriage already over -please help me :/

[Aj8]

Love the analogy Matt , I guess I'm in a mood right now that before I even start to walk to Alaska , I'm thinking why even start since I know I won't get there at the end

[rd500]

Hi AJ

That's your choice buddy , if you want to give up then no one on here will try to stop you.

That's the great thing about us. We all have a choice I've read through all your posts and you have attracted a great many posters that are trying to show you that hope is there if you want to embrace it. If not move on with your life I think you'll find either way you have to move on with your life and DBing helps you do that and perhaps help your M.

My sitch is married for over 20 years to a woman that loves me more than life ( her words). She' now lives 20'mkles away from me and our 4 kids
My world was rocked and still is but time and this board gets you through it

Get the books , read Cadets homework and choose a path for yourself

Take care. Rd

[PigPen]

Aj, everyone here that is posting is still in the fight. All of us. Many people are staring down the barrel of filed papers, spouse's in active affairs, kids being used as leverage, and worse.

And they are still in the fight!

You're still in the fight, but guess what, you just got knocked out before even walking into the ring. Yep, out cold in the locker room and they dragged out and put you in the ring.

Up to you what you do here. You can stay down and wait for the 10 count. Or get up, dust yourself off, start doing everything in your power to save your M, even knowing you may only have a .001% chance of success.

Your call. The only way you're 100% out is if you give up. You NEVER know what tomorrow will bring. Read the success stories. Read about people that have gone months with no contact, or worse, they wished there was no contact because the contact was hell.

Time for a little tough love my friend. If you're out, get out and be good with it. If you're not out, which it sounds like you're since you're still here, then put your damn hands up, get back in the fight, and start doing anything and everything you can to work on yourself.

Follow the advice you've been given - step 1 - make the decision whether you're going to see this through no matter how miserable you may be and/or how long it may take.

We've all been where you are. ALL of us. It's the worst hell.

Start making decisions.

[Aj8]

Sorry everyone for being such a downer , this is all so fresh for me , believe me I want to fight , I'm doing a lot of what's recommended , then this stupid Thought in my head comes up and says it's over, she's done , etc.... Believe me I'm gonna fight believe me

[ILYNOT]

^^^^ GREAT ADVICE and MOTIVATION!!!

[Matt777]

Love the analogy Matt , I guess I'm in a mood right now that before I even start to walk to Alaska , I'm thinking why even start since I know I won't get there at the end

Here's the thing - by the time you decide you aren't going to get there, you'll already have had a life changing experience. Let's say you stop in Vancouver and decide you don't want to see Alaska anymore. Well, your life is so much better ANYWAY. But none of that happens if you sit on the couch. So get up, and take that first step. Then the second one. You never know what you'll find on the journey.

[Elly4]

Believe me I'm gonna fight believe me

So sorry you are here AJ. But as you say you want to fight, what are a few of your goals right now?

E

[Aj8]

Hi Eirinn,

First I ordered the book , divorce remedy , reading everything here and trying to follow everyone's advice. Trying to keep a positive attitude, looking within and to God to better myself (went to Church for the first time in many many years). I've given her space and haven't contacted her /begged her to come back (did that once she came back albeit distant from me). Talking to friends/family for support /comfort , and trying to get to that point that I should realize life will go on and it is not over yet between us even though her actions and words all say otherwise.Main thing right now is to think about me , and not allow the devestation and grief get the best of me.

[Matt777]

Hi Eirinn,

First I ordered the book , divorce remedy , reading everything here and trying to follow everyone's advice. Trying to keep a positive attitude, looking within and to God to better myself (went to Church for the first time in many many years). I've given her space and haven't contacted her /begged her to come back (did that once she came back albeit distant from me). Talking to friends/family for support /comfort , and trying to get to that point that I should realize life will go on and it is not over yet between us even though her actions and words all say otherwise.Main thing right now is to think about me , and not allow the devestation and grief get the best of me.

As PigPen said, your first step is to get off the mat. You can't really start doing anything until you stand up and get back in the fight. Your life is going to go on with or without you. Once you are ready to take that on, we can help you to find that path forward.

Just keep breathing. Take things a minute at a time. Don't worry about the "big picture" right now. Just worry about getting through this next minute.

[Aj8]

Thank you Matt , you and a lot of good folks(family , friends) are making me realize it's time to stop sulking and get my act together. I've lost 5lbs in two weeks , time to get off my arse and live again