I have my two little lovlies. We will most likely have a good supper out somewhere.
Just feeling crushed all over again today.
My main problem is trying to separate my W into just another person. She makes these "nice" gestures and yes they are nice but it only makes me feel worse about everything. Does that even make sense?
How do I see value in her as a person instead of my x? How can I get past the "you blew up my life" to just "oh hi". I honestly do not see how that can be possible.
Now I can also see how she thinks I am a controlling person, I want to keep her in the box of "w" and not "friend".
Bittersweet I know ... you might have to just fake it today.
Back to the D -deal breaker topic. I asked because its something you have to mentally think abou t.. process. I realized at the time you would say .. "yup .. she D's me its done". Because like you ... I felt that way to .. and again like you I realized I could not just stop loving a woman I had a child with and have loved for over 20 years. Wanna know why? The secret?
Love is a DECISION ... sure read the love novels and watch the movies and its some magical feeling .. that's infatuation, that dies out. Love, true love, the deep serious love that we have shared with our long term spouse is a CHOICE. We can at anytime decide not to love, decide to turn that off and withhold it from them .... but we instead choose to love them.
Like you .. my W was gone, nothing there for me ... she would cry and reach out here n there, when she felt I was getting to far away ... just to keep me close. I have a feeling your W is doing the same thing ... all this family talk, Heavy ... you realize you are family. Think about it ... she can spend time with the kids and call that family time ... but she also wants YOU. remember that ... use that. Its a chance for you to shine but you have to DECIDE to love that day.
We all are hurt and crushed by this .. you have read my stuff .. I am still reeling and to be honest I am not sure which pain is worse ... but I know this ... I could drop it and walk at any time .. not what I ever wanted, not when I was at your point in the journey, and not where I am now.
Keep focused, the D might be the ticket she needs to reach bottom, to feel the reality of it all ... she is reaching out for the family stuff, give her some positive reinforcement here ... seeds if you will ... you have this.
Always good to hear from you and get your perspective.
I have the hardest time just being "happy" for the stuff I do have you know? I should be "happy" that she called and wished birthday greetings, I should be "happy" that she directed the kids to make me a card.
What the F is wrong with me that I can't take any joy from the positives? It's like I am stuck in a loop, can't move forward but the past is dead. Frustrated!!
But, your advice is sound, I will of course honor it. I will be "happy" and fake it.
Thanks for the birthday wish. I really appreciate it.
I have the hardest time just being "happy" for the stuff I do have you know? I should be "happy" that she called and wished birthday greetings, I should be "happy" that she directed the kids to make me a card.
Things in DBland are measured by baby steps...some things move by a millimeter. Sigh The key is to notice them and recognize them for what they are.
Short and sweet and I said thank you for taking the time to walk it all the way over here. She said "It's funny, you will like it, s9 wrote something in it". She then turned around and just walked away. Maybe 10 second interaction.
The card envelope has my name on it with our home address and her home address as the return address. She has her new identy, her new place now. Also she now uses my full first name, not the name she has called me for the past 20 years. Example Robert as opposed to Bob.
