FIDO - Changing The Rules - Pt 1

[NH115]

Thanks Wonka. Caliguy's thread is huge so it'll take a little while to go through it.

It's apparent I need to revisit detaching. I thought we were further down the line than we were. This weekend's meltdown pointed out how much progress we haven't made.

I'm having a hard time figuring out where her head is. To be fair I'm not sure she knows where her head is.

The good: when her state of mind is good, she's positive, she wants to work on us, she participates fully in MC. We just came off a great trip together. She's warmer than she has been in a long time, though it's still a little off. I was talking with her just now and she wanted to sit down tonight and talk about ways we can raise some capital for some business ideas I'm working on. She notices and praises the changes I've made I my life. She talks about how much more attractive and strong I am.

The bad: She still doesn't "give" much. Affection is sill mostly initiated by me (that's gotta stop. I allowed myself to get lazy). She had the major meltdown over OM's pic. She knew they were going on this trip. She is still obsessed with what OM is thinking...if he's working on his own marriage, why does he want to have drinks with her? Why is she so concerned about getting her questions answered? If our marriage is first priority, why bother? She's still full of anger at me and it comes out at times. Then when she's calm and in a decent mood she's not angry. She says we both allowed our marriage to deteriorate and then blames me for screwing up her life...often in the same 15-minute span. I need a neck brace because of the whiplash.

I just can't figure out where we are.