- you can't control your sister just like you can't control your wife. If your sister wants to spend time with the kids and your wife, that's ip to her.
- she's still your wife. She's still the mother of your children. If you can't trust the kids to be taken care of on her days, who can you trust?
- as for your vacation, do what you want to do, but do it for YOU. Now, if your accounts are joint and a trip stresses it, I would be wary. If you do get to D proceedings, flagrant spending could come up and it may not be looked on favorably. I'm not a lawyer, so I'm not going to pretend to give advice. But I wouldn't spend beyond your means right now.
- you can't control your sister just like you can't control your wife. If your sister wants to spend time with the kids and your wife, that's ip to her.
You are absolutely right, I can't control anybody.
Originally Posted By: Matt777
- she's still your wife. She's still the mother of your children. If you can't trust the kids to be taken care of on her days, who can you trust?
It's not a matter of trust. I trust my kids with her.
My head is swirling with thoughts and emotions right now. There are so many things I want to say, but I can't. I don't want to fight or argue; all I want is to reconcile and repair the broken pieces. But, I'm being a realist with no expectation of that and I trying to follow the steps. Its very hard to find the balance during this entire process. I miss being a family and miss her unconditionally. I wish there was something more I could do, but I cant change her thoughts; this is one thing I know.
It's easier to follow if you keep it all in one thread. Hopefully Cadet will come in and clean up!
Thanks Matt for pointing me in the right direction. He actually had three threads started and they are all now merged together.
Robs99 please stick to one thread until 100 posts it is easier to see what is going on that way and merging threads on this forum can be done however it scares me as I sometimes can make a mistake and delete someones posts!
Thanks Matt777 - I greatly appreciate your straight forward thoughts and responses.
I decided to make some goals for today. This way I can focus on them
#1 - No texting or calling W (unless she has a specific question) #2 - When I get home, no arguing. (We haven't completely separated yet) #3 - Enjoy the time with Kids #4 - Be Polite #5 - Pay Bills #6 - Read DR
Well, I broke #1, I had to text her about DD's soccer practice and I wouldn't be able to make it. She responded and said she'd like to go grocery shopping after they go to bed.
I miss her so much and the sexual desires are insane. I want to break down, cry and tell her how much I love her and want to be with her. I hate feeling backed into an emotional corner, but I'm trying to keep my chin up and not fall into a depressive state.
I finished chapter 5 of DR during lunch today. I guess we are at the LRT portion of our relationship based on what I read.
Well, I broke #1, I had to text her about DD's soccer practice and I wouldn't be able to make it. She responded and said she'd like to go grocery shopping after they go to bed.
There's only so dark you can go when kids are involved. Don't beat yourself up about it.
Originally Posted By: RobS99
I miss her so much and the sexual desires are insane. I want to break down, cry and tell her how much I love her and want to be with her. I hate feeling backed into an emotional corner, but I'm trying to keep my chin up and not fall into a depressive state.
It's certainly tough. But you know what, a huge part of your life is cut away. It's ok to grieve for it. Just recognize that it's an emotional feeling, and it will pass. And over time, the grief will be less intense, shorter, and less frequent. The key is not to act toward your W while you're in that state. Only let her see you at your best!
There are 2 TED talks recommended to me on happiness that were both GREAT. One is by Amy Cuddy and the other is by Shawn Achor. Watch them and live them.
So I finished DR chapter 5 started chapter 6 and realized I should probably wait until some of the suggested ideas are "tried". Should I stop reading at this point or continue?
I went dark as far as "constant communication" but since we are not physically separated (still under same roof, but not same room) yet, we have interactions with each other in passing or dealing with kids. As part of my "180" I came home with a positive and cheerful attitude. Last night after kids went to bed, WAW went grocery shopping and ran errands. She came home with tons of bags from the store, I was starting to sleep on the couch and heard her "wrestling around". I came into the kitchen and politely asked "Would you like help putting groceries away?" she said "Sure" so I helped and called it a night. By no means am I looking at this as a step in any direction.
This morning I took care of DD getting ready for daycare (breakfast, dressed, etc.) while DS was still sleeping. WAW was getting ready for work and putting her lunch together in the kitchen while I was in there. I took care of dishes, cleaned the counter top and picked up after the mess; stuff that I normally didn't do in the morning. I was very polite and as she said goodbye to kids, she tried leaving without saying a word to me, but I wished her "have a good day" and she responded.
My goals for today 6/30
- Stay dark unless necessary (Kids) - Be Polite & Confident when interacting - Keep my distance - Do not get into a fight no matter what the circumstance.
She is planning on taking the kids to see my sister and niece this weekend. She hasn't offered me the invite since she's worried about a 6 hour car ride together. Maybe this will be a positive thing seeing my family member and it will give us some time apart. We are scheduled for counseling next week, should I try talk to Jody before or after the session?
I'm having some trouble with the focusing on my goals today -
#1 - Stay "Dark"
Ugh, So I've been doing well, but the last 10 minutes I'm fighting the urge to send a single Text Message. A simple "Hi, How's your day?" message to spark a conversation. I can't believe how tough this is, I really want to reconnect, but its too soon. Nothing sent or done yet. I'm resisting the urge to look at her Facebook Page as well.
#2 - Polite & Confident
I'm actually doing ok with this today, I'm focused at work and "knowing" I can do it. "Fake it till you become it" ~Amy Cuddy is my motto today.
#3 - Distance
Goes along the line with #1, but all I think about is her and how I want to know what she is thinking or feeling. There is nothing I can do or say to get this answer from her.
#4 - No Fighting
I have to tell myself that Staying "Dark" and keeping Distance will not allow a fight to happen.
Sorry everyone, I'm just trying to stay focused. Figured if I posted here I won't break my goals. Also thinking about scheduling my next DB coaching session, should I wait until our next marriage counseling session or before?
