I've done some investigating and have figured out who one of my wife's affairs could be. They have been co-workers for years and he was never a threat because he was always "happily married". This man has been coming over to my home and my kids don't like it. After I asked my W about him the very next day him and his wife blocked me from Facebook.
He has been right under my nose the whole time. My wife went on a trip and she told me this man and "his wife" happened to be on the flight too... She told me later she was skipping my sons Dr. appt to go have lunch with this man "and his wife". She knew I wouldn't suspect him.
I am being told to call this man's wife and ask her questions pertaining to the facts that I know. Find out if she really was with him all the times my W met with him.
What should I do? What should I say to her? I'm sure my W has told her I'm a lose cannon and crazy.
I brought this post from infidelity over here because no one was answering you there and my posts don't often show up on that forum (I'm still on restriction). Plus, staying on one thread is easier to manage anyway.
I read your opening long post and without the post above I could have told you her affair partner was married. She lies and gaslights you to protect the secret because as soon as OM's wife finds out...the affair will be likely over. OM doesn't want to divorce. He just wants to have an affair.
As far as talking to OM's wife....HECK YES. She deserves to know and you can't hint about this at all to your wife. The fact OM's wife already removed you from Facebook just a couple days ago is an ominous signs. I think it probably means they (OM and/or your wife) either went into her account and removed you themselves (so you wouldn't contact there) and/or they played the very typical game where OM tells his wife about supporting your wife as a friend during the difficult divorce process your wife is going through and that you are a jealous obsessive controlling husband who is apparently now, [gasp] accusing OM of having an affair with his wife.
Because they may have forewarned OM's wife, my recommendation would be that you somehow get undeniable proof that OM can't lie his way out of. You've already seen months of how crafty a wayward wife can be when faced with overwhelming evidence (a used condom wrapper in your house) and trying to convince and confess to 8 different men so you wouldn't focus on discovering the "ONE" . Airline employees are well versed in the "adultery lie game". I don't know how you get absolute proof but OM's wife is going to need it in order to truly be convinced you aren't the one actually lying to her.
OM's wife is entitled to the truth about her life. Not telling her, IMO, is enabling the affair and becoming it's co-conspirator. Most likely OM's wife will get her husband to end the affair immediately. That's why it's this big secret. If OM wanted to leave his wife and kids, he would have done it already. Captain OM likes the image of being perfect citizen, former military guy, upstanding husband and father. You need solid evidence to overcome that wall of denial.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
