FIDO - Changing The Rules - Pt 1

[NH115]

Self esteem is a huge issue. A big part of her spew is this idea that she's too old to meet anyone else, that the best part of her life has passed her by, that she's been cursed with an unhealthy romantic life...the first two men she slept with ended up being gay, the wall between us for 12 of our 20 years, her married OM. I made mistakes with her, my parents have this inexplicable animosity towards her, her OM decided to stick with his own wife of 16 years instead of upending it all for her...and she somehow thinks it's about her worth. She never used to be like this. One of the things I loved about her was that she was her own person and nobody's victim.

I knew she was still stuck on OM, but I also saw signs that the fog was lifting. She intellectually knows that he's bad news. She knows that she could never fully trust him because of his history of infidelity (she was OW #3), but she's angry because her feelings haven't followed. Despite all that, if he called her tomorrow, told her he was leaving his wife and wanted her, she'd be gone, even though she knows what a piece of work he is. She admitted to me the other night that on his last visit he had asked her out for drinks the next time he's in town (which is probably September). She didn't say yes, but she hasn't said no yet either. This was after three other visits where no deep conversation took place. Mind games. Why do I put up with this crap?

There was a semi-positive thing to come out of the meltdown this weekend. She finally decided to unfriend him on Facebook and get him out of her phone. The catch is that she doesn't want to do it until she has a chance to talk to him face to face, get some questions answered, and tell him to go away for good. If her marriage is the priority she says it is, then why does she need any questions answered? Remove him from her devices, shoot him a "don't call me" message, and be done with it.

We're in MC, we have a lot to talk about in session tomorrow.