I appreciate your advice and opinion. I am not going to rationalize my actions or provide justification for same.
It has been a week since I have been back at this board. You are saying that by my listening and helping my W I am doing nothing to improve my situation or gain respect or attraction in her eyes.
I am not trying to say your opinion is wrong, but if one of our issues was lack of communication and then W starts communicating isn't that a positive? Or is the view that until she provides complete transparency it is all BS?
It seems that some threads say that you should be the best H you can be that only a fool would leave while others say you should detach.
Am I not doing worse by not communicating with her? If I turn my back on this doesn't that prove that she is right?
I am not trying to start a fight or tell someone they are wrong. It is just after reading a lot of these posts it seems like people are on both sides. It really makes my head hurt.
Head hurting or not I do appreciate your advice.
I know this can seem confusing.
It depends on what you know, and what she KNOWS that you know. When a woman is cheating, and her husband knows, and she KNOWS that he knows, the entire dynamic necessarily changes. She will see you as WEAK if you do all the normal validating, hugging, do-more-around-the-house stuff that might otherwise be called for in a situation where the spouse isn't wayward.
(see Sandi's excellent threads for husbands of Wayward Wives)
Even worse, I see her intentionally playing you with a lot of her tactics, and when you CONTINUE to respond with even more of the BFF stuff, it's just enabling her cake-eating and she's no doubt thinking "Sad seems OK with all of this, in fact he seems to be vying for my attention and affection. I have him firmly in 'Plan B' territory, where I want him while I see how things progress (or not) with OM."
I of course could be wrong, but her secrecy is a huge red flag.
