Hi everyone , don't know where to start, started following this board a few weeks ago, trying to find hope in this dark time for me. So my story I'm 35 wife 30 , total time together 7yrs , 5 yrs lives together , 2 years engaged and recently married for 6 months. We moved back to the SF Bay Area from Washington, D.C. (Lived in DC for 5 years ) she's a nurse me a analyst . So we moved back to SF to make our life here closer to Friends and family . Moved back 6 months ago , she's on graduate school and has to do hospital internships too far from where we live so 5 days out of the week she'd stay at her moms to be closer there . This is only temporary for when she graduates in 18 months things were going to be back to normal .
Anyway she always said she loved me , missed me , etc., but I was complacent and didn't say it nearly enough or show her affection (took the relationship for granted )
About two months ago I told her I might not want kids and I need to give it more thought , that freaked her out and she then after speaking with her friends decided I'm not the man for her Bc I put her down on her weight ( I did suggest we both eat better and exercise and she'd agree , never knew it made her self conscious ) , that I wasn't affectionate, etc. so a month ago she says she wants a divorce and leaves me . I beg and cry and she comes back , I tell her after she left (for a week) I honestly did soul searching and want kids I just had a moment of fear.
So that month back to our schedule , she comes home fri-sat but is cold and distant with me and I don't know how to act so I ball up in a shell and try to engage but she's not her self with me . Meanwhile I was looking for marriage counselors as she wanted but didn't do it fast enough as two weeks ago on a Sunday she leaves the ring and says it's over she doesn't love me anymore and she's filing . She closed our joint bank account yesterday , only texts me to tell me not to be home when she comes to get her stuff . Her family , my mom all try to talk to her and tell her to not do this but she won't listen . In fact her family/friends up to two weeks ago thought there might be hope but after this weekend they all texted me and said it seems over , no hope
I'm devastated , I cry everyday , I'm like a zombie emotionless and then just tears . What do I do ?? I don't understand how just a month + ago she was telling me still how much she loves me and I'm her soulmate to this.
Btw confirmed she's not cheating .I'm trying the steps , etc., to leave her alone Bc if I try contact she coldly says she doesn't love me divorce is only option, which stings me more .
Me:35 W:30 7 years together 11 months married No children W Left me-moved to her moms: June 2015 W filed for D: July 2015
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
AJ8, I'm so sorry you're here. Continue to use this forum for support and advice.
Have you begun to read either of MWD's books?
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Hi defacto, haven't read the books yet just what's online ,the steps , etc. I'm so out of it right now that it's hard to do anything I lost my soulmate because I took the marriage for granted
Me:35 W:30 7 years together 11 months married No children W Left me-moved to her moms: June 2015 W filed for D: July 2015
I understand how you are feeling right now. We have all been there but I know that doesn't make it any easier for you. It will be difficult but you need to start taking care of yourself physically. Are you eating? Are you sleeping?
I would highly recommend you get one of the books asap. Try Barnes & Noble or your library.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Thanks everyone I'm ordering the books , but I don't think she'll come back ever I gave her space and she is fine with that won't even contact me , took me off Facebook, announced to fb and everyone about the divorce , closed our joint bank account , moved out , etc. seems like she doesn't care
Me:35 W:30 7 years together 11 months married No children W Left me-moved to her moms: June 2015 W filed for D: July 2015
