Well Matt, you could be right to a certain extent... but I'm taking my cues from my coach. She suggested making the house something familiar and warm, hence the candles. She suggested getting her more involved with the boys without me to keep her individually vested in the family, hence the shopping trip. And this trip away... really, I'm not trying to be mysterious about where I am, no doubt she knows where I am. I just haven't said when I'm coming back. It might be controlling, but I DO NOT want the OW in our home, and if my W knew on Friday I'd be gone till Tuesday, I wouldn't put it past her to have invited her over the weekend...
I suppose I should be more detached from the outcomes of these actions, and that's the problem I'm having, at least today.
I'm certainly not disagreeing with you or your coach on DOING any of the actions. This whole thing sometimes feels like solving an intricate, delicate puzzle.
I think there's some karmic benefit to thinking - I'm going to take my kids to do xyz because I know they'll love it vs. - I'm going to take my kids to do xyz because my wife might get sad she missed it
The first way you can get the joy of the event and sustain PMA. The second, you may get upset or disappointed your wife didn't react in a certain way, which casts a shadow over the whole thing.
It's sometimes hard for me to distinguish the two, but I'm trying to get myself more in the first mindset.
