So progress so far. On the practical side I've booked an appointment next week to speak to the bank about a mortgage so that I can make her the same offer she made to me. I've had to write to my pension trustees to get the surrender value for the period of the M. Apparently this is the new hot topic in D proceedings here. When going though my stuff one of the letters from the trustees back when we got married had a hand written note from her to remind me to update my marriage status. I had a wee twinge of sadness at seeing that.
I also had to contact her about custody over the next few weeks for S9. I had my best DB had on and, after about 6 emails we agreed a schedule and I even managed to get a smiley face from her. Wow, progress indeed.
I need to contact her later as well about S9's birthday and the presents he's asked for. Will keep my Wonka hat on for that exchange.
I'll post more later but right now I'm going to have the biggest plate of my Mum's mince and tatties.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Ok folks. Been validating my wee heart out tonight.
Before I start. I'm paraphrasing. These are not verbatim the words used. Need to watch the watchers and all that.
So txt WW the list of stuff S9 wants for his birthday. She thanks me for that. Now before I go on this in itself is odd because she would normally get this list before me AND she knew he made a list from my earlier email. I didn't contact her till after 9pm so plenty of time to get S9 to make the list for her.
Anyway she thanked me and offered to bring S9 here from MIL's tomorrow. I thanked her for the nice gesture but that would eat into my time with him and it's not fair that she should leave MIL's early for my sake. She said its ok and will have him home on time.
I said thanks, really thoughtful.
So far slightly better communication. But that's just today. Well ok Saturday as well.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Thanks Matt. It took this long just to get to this point. I expect more negative to come when she sees my response from my L to her L. But between now and then build on the small things. But still detach and don't pursue. Tomorrow is another day.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Thanks Matt. It took this long just to get to this point. I expect more negative to come when she sees my response from my L to her L. But between now and then build on the small things. But still detach and don't pursue. Tomorrow is another day.
Wow, you get more opportunity to improve your validating skills! And, I'm really only being a little sarcastic. Don't be afraid of her getting angry and venting or spewing at you. The only thing you have to be afraid of in this situation from what you've told us is that you react as the old NDY who lacked the skills and attitude you now have.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Thanks asitis. Yea, blame the lawyer, right? Seen that a few times around here.
Ironically I did get the draft response from my L tonight. Had to school him in DB without actually telling him that.
He mentioned reconciliation about 5 times. Had to strike 4 of them out. He also mentioned that S9 should be returned to the M home by the end of next month. Ok, so why start a fight? We've been reasonable over the course of the last few weeks so let's not go there. Rest was about the house.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Good to keep conversation open. L letter is the usual stuff, I guess. Don't forget that they are interested in keeping the conflict going as long as possible so they make the most money.
Positive stuff from WW about S. Bridges built on that one. Surrender values for pensions don't have to be made until a D is actually in progress and it only applies to the dates you got married to the day you separated. Currently the biggest thing in town is pensions as it's an easy way of sponging money. WW's L should remember though, that if you manage a settlement, if they're on legal aid, they will take some of that away to cover part of the fees.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
WW isn't on legal aid. She's paying for this the same as I am. Funny, her L letter is pretty bad from a legal standpoint. Having said that the first draft of mine was pretty shocking as well. What are we paying these people for?
I've been totally flexible and cordial in communication with her wrt S9 so she can't accuse me of being unreasonable. But building on the small positives is the way to go. At least we are seeing small positives. Still a million miles to go though.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
So, your L sends a draft that is terrible...kerching! as they re-write it again and again.
My W has had letters totalling £960 done so far and I haven't replied to one of them. My W is on legal aid and has not told me she has told her L to stop doing what she's doing. I guess the L will write a letter telling us that. Hey, there's another £240 in the L pot!
It's bonkers. Build on the positives bud.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
