To recap the past week. Tons of time spent on the video calls with W. Lots of listening and validating opportunities. Remorse is being shown. We're now the anti-OM coalition. DBing is amazing. Boundaries are still firmly in place, even amidst the good moves forward.
Over the weekend she talked to me more than she did S5 on the video calls. Got a text on Friday saying she wished she could have come down this weekend. S5 and I had an amazing weekend with him on Sunday saying he wanted to stay an extra night.
Sunday, at the exchange, which lasted 3.5 hours...We all played quite a bit. I went out of my way to meet at another exit farther up north so that S5 could play there.
W and I talked A LOT. I took my laptop and put Retrouaville in front of her so that we could discuss going to it. She said she will read through the 4 stages and testimonials this week. I was asked pointedly about details regarding her moving back home, including finances and technical details. Things we need to work on as a couple. Finances. Parenting. All sorts of things. I noticed she was using "We" several times and doing future talk.
I made her laugh. I mean, I really made her laugh several times. We shared some special moments with S5. She wore an outfit she knew I find highly attractive...And admitted she wore it for me. She brought up some good memories, particularly one about chicken fettuccine alfredo that her friend made without broccoli (I made it with broccoli for our first date - a concert with a picnic). I was supportive of her throughout and did not push any agenda. Light and breezy.
Fast forward to this morning's texts: W: Good morning Me: Morning W: I'm applying for that program manager's spot Me: The one here? (I told her about it yesterday) W: Yeah Me: They'd be fools not to take you W: I really want our family to be together again. I don't like this. Me: I'm right with you there. We can do it. W: There is obviously a lot of things to work through, but it's not impossible, I don't think. Me: I have no doubt in my mind that it isn't impossible.
We've been slowly texting back and forth for the past 40 minutes. So that's what's up for now.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
I want to make a comment about being in the anti-OM coalition. You don't want to stay in the bashing box because you don't want the XOM to still occupy that space.
Just curious. Has W sent a forceful NC-letter to the XOM? I think, if I recall correctly, W only sent a tepid one liner to the XOM about not contacting her at all.
The bashing box was a joke we had yesterday. We both did agree that we don't want to continue talking about him as well and focus on us going forward.
She's made it very forceful to him that she wants nothing to do with him. I'm hoping to pursue the NC letter in counseling or Retrouaville.
Transparency is getting stronger as we go. I've put it in as a non-negotiable, and she is responding well. I do plan to put more conditions in as we go on, because I didn't want to scare her away. She responded negatively at the start to what she perceived as conditions, albeit misperceived ones.
MC will be in place as soon as she is back. I made it a non-negotiable, and I have a connection to a pro-marriage MC through another therapist friend of mine. She told me the MC if familiar with/and uses DB,Gottman, 5Ls, etc.
What else am I missing?
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Transparency is getting stronger as we go. I've put it in as a non-negotiable, and she is responding well. I do plan to put more conditions in as we go on, because I didn't want to scare her away. She responded negatively at the start to what she perceived as conditions, albeit misperceived ones.
What do you mean by 'more conditions' here? Can you please elaborate so we can understand this a bit better?
Pretty much Facebook and text messaging. That was how they communicated. I've had access to the cell phone bill the whole time. She has started telling me what she is doing on a more regular basis as well. I've worked hard on getting her to see that trust is going to be a difficult thing for me to work on. She tells me she understands and is afraidi won't trust her ever again. Good springboard for putting the rest into place.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Ok. I want to come and read your whole situation. And I WILL. And then post something meaningful. But in reading what's in here, I am certainly happy for where you seem to be headed.
But I can't help but giggle reasing your name and the title of this and not thinking of a "Squigsaw puzzle".
Touche. I see where you are going, I think. I hadn't been specific enough with her regarding the above. I've explained that the affair changed things with regards to trust. I need her to be honest and transparent in order t order rebuild trust. Hiding things from me contributed greatly to the current situation. But I wasn't specific enough...
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
