WAS or what (2)

[roist]

I've started digging myself a hole it seems. What is the best DB way out of it?

It is long and complicated background story that I don't have time to outlibe . Here is a quick summary:

We were at end of school party Saturday. W and inappropriate friend are part of the parents association that organised and run the event. Interactions with W were limited but OK, ñever cold. But she was busy a lot if the time. I got busy mingling, chatting as well as keeping an eye on our boys.

I chatted to a guy that had issues with same inapp. friend and his W. I did nit bring up the topic and I never mentioned my W. This guy that I don't know that well started telling me his marital life story. Basically his W cheated twice and now the guy is angry. His issue with inapp. Was multiple texts and his mistrust of W from previous infidelity.

I am not going to become that guy. He is eaten by anger and mistrust. He is staying with W for kids but for me that is not a M. My reading of the situation is that the texting was again "just" inappropriate. Is it intentionally inappropriate or just his character idk.

When it got late and boys needed to go, I brought them . W stayed until end and afterwards to clean with the others.

Now starts the bit where I started digging and really wasn't sure what best course of action was. Depending on when the guests stop partying these evenings can be late. But when it got really late, and still no sign of W I really didn't know what to do. Having not been fired as H, I thought doing nothing was wrong. I debated with myself between what I wanted to do and just waiting. I suppose the DB way is I should have slept but I couldn't.

In the end I had enough debating with myself. I acted. When text and phone did not answer I really didn't know what to do. I decided to go back to where the event was. If she had been in an accident or was mugged (as she looks after associations money) I would not forgive myself.

I arrived there and they were sitting chatting. Apart from the hour and the fact they were alone it did not appear suspicious. They could have been in a car or event the function hall, but no they were in the open with car lights lighting the area.

Again I was unsure how to react. What is in keeping with DBing. I went over to them. Calmly. Before I said anything he said the others had just left. I said calmly to w that when no reply to text/phone I was worried. I said I was glad she was OK. Phone was in her car so possible she didn't hear it. much else was said. I said I didn't want to leave boys alone any longer so I left. She said she didn't realise the hour, and was coming now. I left and she arrived a few minutes later.

When she came to bed neither of us seemed sleepy. So we chatted. Almost as if normal. I had no anger, jealousy, coldness or other negative attitude. I was not sure what is the DB protocol in such circumstances. I enjoyed talking with her but I watched what I said. Her chattiness may well just have been fishing. We chatted for almost two hours! Last thing I wanted to be was angry, aggressive or cold so being chatty beat riding and turning while waiting to sleep. Did mean we only got v little sleep and were both wrecked Sunday.

Edited by request

Sunday I played as normal with kids, was in good mood with W. W was again talky so we talked. About all the goings on and scandals and everything else. I thought it was too bizarre if I didn't mention it do I asked what they were talking about last night. She shared a lot of his personal problems with exW and kids.

She fished a bit about my long chat with the other h. I let her fish but in the end I decided to share the part about her friend. I stated it matter of factly and offered no commentary as to what I thought about it. Again I worked on the logic as before.

So in short we have chatted a lot since. In all of those I have never been emotional, needy, enquisitive, cold or upset. In reality I was relatively Zen, though really unsure as to best DB approach.

Edited as per request


My aim now is to let the dust settle and observe.

Edit per request

If W mentions nothing, I will do the same and spend the summer working mostly on me.


I am not going to dwell on this. Whatever happens happens. If anyone had advice before I go home great.

Last info. W texted him Sunday saying all OK at home and to thank him for the conversation.

I hope this is coherent as I am wrecked tired.