Thanks asitis, She rejoined Facebook on Monday. I think that was a direct attempt to get me to notice, especially with the dog pictures and him playing with the best friend's son. My first thought was "I am wearing her down!" haha. All I could think when looking at those pictures was "Wow, was I that terrible you had to put yourself in a living situation like this? There are toys strewn all over the dinner table and house. While we own this big house, big yard, our dogs, and privacy." I wanted kids for years. She would always tell me she wasn't sure if she wanted kids. Yet, here she has injected herself into a house with three kids.
I stopped following her as you advised. I also have decided I will not contact her under any circumstance. Her best friend keeps sending me random messages asking how I am holding up or if I am okay.
Me: 33 W: 30 T - 12 M - 3 K - 0 BD - 6/14/15 Moved out - 6/14/15
Sorry your here, you got a real bomb drop with the note! Holy smokes that must have been a shock.
You're going to get some amazing advice from Mr. Bond and the rest of the folks here so keep posting. Your life is also going to suck for a while, I'm sorry to say.
You may want to put together a signature on your name with the details of your situation like we all have. It helps folks.
Sending you strength.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
It was definitely a shock. I feel like I almost have PTSD from it. I refuse to let her bring me down or make my life suck. I will be the one to come out on top of this. I am working on becoming a strong independent person again. Trying to stay busy and GAL. Sometimes I struggle with the GAL and the 180's. What if she doesn't notice? I try to post FB updates for my own sanity about what I am doing in my daily life that would shock her. I know she is reading them. Then I realize these are changes for me and for my life, with or without her.
Me: 33 W: 30 T - 12 M - 3 K - 0 BD - 6/14/15 Moved out - 6/14/15
Today marks 2 weeks since the BD and move out. I have still not had any contact from the wife. I have continued to hold to not contacting her. Some days I am in a state of depression, others I am just plain angry. I unfollowed her on FB but continue to find myself looking at her profile. Tonight she posted pictures of herself getting drunk with all her girlfriends. She has become extremely close to her work girlfriends. They have gone out 2-3 times in the last week. I can't help but think they are giving her advice on this. She continues to have her marriage status set at married and kept my last name on there. Even after I changed mine to separated. I started going around the house and taking down pictures of her that she left and stored them away. They are painful reminders at this point. My parents feel betrayed and do not want me to have anything to do with her now.
Her family continues to be a big support to me but they refuse to intervene in any way (not that I have asked them to). That is one of Sandi's rules. They will not even broach the topic in conversation with her. They just keep telling me how "ridiculous" it is and "they don't know what is going on in her head".
I am staying busy at work. I picked up an extra shift this week to get out of the house. Our dogs have perked up. They ate very little for the first week but have regained their appetite. They are still missing her and their brother whom she took. I was thinking about working out a visitation schedule, if we ever open a line of communication. I keep going through my mind "Why is she not contacting me? Is she avoiding confrontation? Does she hate me? Is she DB'ing me?. Completely out of relationship issues we have financial issues to discuss.
I started going through some of our mail and found out she was a month behind on our cellphone payments and paid only half on her car payment last month. Neither of these bills are in my name. She never told me she was in financial trouble or I would have gladly helped. I think she was too proud to ask.
Coming up the weekend of July 4th, I have 10 days off from work. I had planned to take a vacation somewhere but cannot now. I really need to work on GAL then.
Thanks for reading.
Me: 33 W: 30 T - 12 M - 3 K - 0 BD - 6/14/15 Moved out - 6/14/15
Breathe. You're only two weeks in. It may feel like a lifetime, but it's nothing. The reality of what she's done most likely hasn't even begun to set in for your W, right now she's got the high from the sense of freedom from leaving and is surrounding herself with people (female co-workers) that support what she's done. I think this is common.
My W told me about all of her new "friends" two weeks after she left. She was quiet and introverted with me but now was suddenly going out on weeknights. The energy and newness of the situation props them up for a bit, but it can't last. At some point the reality of the situation will hit her. She can't outrun a change this large forever.
As for FB, don't look at it. It will drive you insane. Don't check her profile - ever. The focus should be on you and what you're going to do with your life. Plus, people only post photos of them living the way they want people to think they're living. She's not going to post a photo of her crying in the bathroom missing you. I'd say stay off FB yourself too. If you want to post something, due it through your phone and let it go. FB is a time suck anyway. This time is crucial for you to make changes in your own life and spending time on FB isn't going to help that.
Read some of the threads by the vets around here, and/or from folks that have been on here for a year or longer. This is a marathon and you're still in the first 500 yards of it. A lot is going to change throughout the course of this, and what you see, feel and experience now is not the reality of it.
Good luck.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Your right. A week feels like a year. I feel like I have almost forgotten what her voice sounds like. We have never been apart this long in 15 years. I've thrown myself into my work and school. I really need to get my life together and focus on improving myself. I don't expect to hear from her anytime soon. I have a vacation coming up next week. I plan to get my house in order and really start working on some of these changes I have talked about. I need to go out and start purchasing some new furniture and a television. I never realized how much she took from the house. It feels so empty. I understand I need to let her experience whatever it is she is looking for. There is nothing I can do to change it.
Me: 33 W: 30 T - 12 M - 3 K - 0 BD - 6/14/15 Moved out - 6/14/15
Finally, a day of from work. I talked to a couple of her friends. Some of whom she had become distant from in recent years. One of them told me I needed to give her space and let her be single. I was with her all through her teens and twenties, so she never got to live the single life. She said once she sees me moving on with my life that she will hate it. Another one of her past friends insisted she would be my personal trainer. She was shocked and upset by what my wife had done to me. She said the goal is for me to get in shape by my wife's sisters September wedding. She said she would even get me a hot date for it. We talked all night about our situations. It was refreshing and therapeutic.
Me: 33 W: 30 T - 12 M - 3 K - 0 BD - 6/14/15 Moved out - 6/14/15
I am sorry you are here, I don't have much to add as I am just figuring things out myself. I am 4 months into it and just starting to feel like I am not obsessing about my situation, I think it is great that you are on here so early and getting good advice. I am just at the point now where I realize that I did not cause this, and I can't fix this, but I sure can come out of this as a better person whether it is with or without him. Wishing you some peace and answers.
Hi S, I'm new here , I haven't contacted my wife in 2 weeks now since she moved out to her moms and said we're over and she's getting a divorce). I only got a text from her that she doesn't want me home when she comes to get her stuff. I feel you're pain
Me:35 W:30 7 years together 11 months married No children W Left me-moved to her moms: June 2015 W filed for D: July 2015
So I got into a pickle with someone letting my dogs out overnight. Her sister was leaving town and was not available. I had to text the wife. It was simple and to the point. "Your sister is not available tonight. Need you to let the dogs out. Thanks" (I have had no contact with her for 3 weeks).
She responded, "Yes I sure can. I'll be over late...between 11:30 and midnight. And I can call you tomorrow so we can talk if you want since you work tonight. I am sorry for not calling you yet..."
I haven't responded. Not sure if I am going to respond.
Please advise!
Me: 33 W: 30 T - 12 M - 3 K - 0 BD - 6/14/15 Moved out - 6/14/15
