Sure am having another tough day here. Glad to be at Mom's, was glad to visit with my brother, wife, and my little niece. But it's all so bittersweet... to see their loving and intact family, and so many years of growing and love ahead of them. I long for that, and it's crazy... I had such a loving and intact family so recently.
I really wasn't expecting the boys' departure to hit me so hard. But it occurred to me that they have been my first line of support through all of this mess. I know they are glad to be away from all the tension, but for me, it's beyond hard. When I go home this week, it will be to an empty house, except for when the W is there working or sleeping, which is mostly worse than empty these days, of course.
And now, the work will begin on our going separate ways from that home. I still have no idea where I'm going to go. I just know I'm going to be alone... so suddenly, and for who knows how long.
I just feel like the future is so gray and dismal today. Any kind of happiness for me is completely out of reach, it seems. It's almost too much to bear. I have passion for nothing... nothing I want to do, or care about. Glad I'm far away from the W so she can't sense my despair today. I hope I am able to get things in check before she sees me at lunch tomorrow.
I have a really hard time with this too. Any movie or show that shows loving interaction between spouses really makes me sad to watch. I also spend a lot of time with "our" couples friends, and it's painful to watch everyone seemingly so happy together.
I told my W at BD that I just couldn't understand what she was saying, and that I felt like if I could just....Shake her....that she would come to her senses. I'm sure we all feel like that, maybe every day. I just don't understand how everyone else can be so happy with their lives and so optimistic about their future, but MY wife isn't willing to work toward that.
Anyway, my advice is to stop looking so far into the future. Don't look towards the happiness for the rest of your life. Look at tomorrow - what can you do to make yourself happy? Then look at the next day. Maybe plan out for the week. But don't try to predict whether you'll be happy in 2025 today.....you have no way of knowing where you'll be then.
I'm like you....I'm not passionate about really anything. But that doesn't mean that there are things I like doing. I play games, I go to trivia night, I do things with my daughters....and so on. Use these as stepping stones to branch out, and maybe you'll FIND something to be passionate about.
