Little Cloud of Dust - PigPen & The WAW (3)

[asitis]

It's not baseball, so it's not 3 strikes and your out. Most of us have stepped in lots of pile during the process. Re-reading DR will remind you that it is practices not one event.

Don't beat yourself up over misinterpreting the cousin. Part of the problem we all (including myself) is that we are looking for ways to hopefully interpret what we hear or see. It is normal and natural, and your DB coach will give you some perspective on how many people have stepped in lots of piles and still saved their M.

Also remember that don't trust what they say (I wouldn't say 100%, but definitely most) and only part of what they do. She needs space. She asked for space. Take that seriously. She has a process to go through just like you do, and during stretches of that she genuinely does not feel like coming back. What matters is where she ends up, not where she is at the moment. Let her go through her process and focus on you working through your process.

Believe me, there will likely come times where you don't feel much for her and wonder about whether this is worth it. I know I don't feel much causing me to want to be with my W of late. Does that mean I will stay that way? All it will take is her wanting to genuinely invest in the R and showing me some of the person I know I love for that to start to change. Once you start seeing that in yourself, you will start to understand that where she is at the moment (even if she is being honest with herself or you) isn't really the issue.

If you aren't taking notes re: your coaching sessions and your goals and baby steps and the signs that things are moving in the right direction, start doing so. It gives you something to review to help stay on track. It also helps you see where you might not be doing your best to follow through on the plan you and your coach laid out, and the insights about the process you learn in your coaching sessions.

It is amazing how much this causes us to see things we aren't doing as well as we should, gives us something to focus and work on rather than worrying about what our Ss are doing, and remind us that we have a plan and that we need to give that time to actually work. It won't be quick.

Hang in there. No game changing mistakes have been made. She hasn't moved the D process along. And you don't know whether she has really made up her mind. Patience.

My coach has told me repeatedly that the single most important factor determining success is giving things time to work. Not jumping around, being inconsistent, changing messages at the first sign of mistake or that things aren't working.