Ripken - WW filed for Divorce and I moved Out #5

[Ripken8]

Update: met with ww today. First time we've talked in person since I moved out a month ago. Asked her for 5-10 minutes and we talked for 1 1/2 hours!

Overall it went better than I expected. I told her I wasn't sure what I wanted and really unsure how to talk or communicate with her anymore, but the one thing I do know is I don't want to be enemies. I don't want to carry hate around for her or anyone. I told her while our attorneys negotiate back and forth, I wanted to pay some monies now and every two weeks. I put in amount in the account that was exactly halfway from what I proposed and she proposed. She said she would agree to that amount and talk with her attorney tomorrow - we'll see.

After our talk in walking out she asked "you want a hug, don't you?" I wanted to tell her no, I'm fine, but I caved and said yes. She gave me a long hug. It was the first physical contact I've had with her in months and I forgot how much I missed it.

During our talk she brought up that she was ready to move on and wants this over. She said that she feels happier and is finding herself when she never did that before. She acknowledged her happiness isn't as simple as moving on from me and I'm 100% the cause of it. She said the standard we got married young and between being my girlfriend, fiancé, wife and mother to my kids, she never felt she was just her. Having time away from me and the kids is allowing her (and me) to do that.

I feel like I did a little pursuing looking back. I never told her I missed her or still loved her, but I did tell her that I'm a better person now that when we first met 14 years ago and I owe a lot of that to her. I did also say my life seems better with her in it. I know, I'm kicking myself for those.

This should help with the settlement, but not sure where to go or what to do from here. I initiated the convo to tell her I don't want to fight and be more open thought this process. I guess I will continue to Gal, work on me and not pursue.

It felt nice to have a good convo, but hurts because she is so adamant about moving on and while I miss her, I didn't sense any of that from her. Also no remorse or guilt from her. I also know the hurt was because even though I went in with no expectations, I left hoping she would acknowledge or reciprocate she missed having me in her life one way shape or form. That was not the case.