Lately, I've been thinking about the very little interaction I have with WW since we are separated. I only initiate contact with regards to finances. No kids.
Will a WW perceive my lack of contact and detachment as "more of the same" behavior from me? One of her complaints about our M was that I was not always "there" for her emotionally so she just stopped caring.
I'm just wondering if I should initiate more contact with her in a non-pursuing way? Or will she just perceive that as pursuit? I read somewhere about keeping the road back paved smooth. Does that apply in DB?
This is copied from my WW thread.
Quote:
First, the H has to see his own part of the downfall in the MR and work very hard to improve himself as a man. Notice, I said "man" and not H. The reason I said that is b/c the M is past the point of him showing her what an improved husband he can be. She is not interested in him as her H. If he now starts trying to implement all the things he sees he should have done in the past, it will hurt his effectiveness in getting this stitch turned around. For the WW, it is much too late, and she no longer cares about you doing those things. Based on what most newcomer LBH'S say, they think spending more time with the kids, showering the W with more attention, doing the housework, cooking, and running her errands (basically catering to her) will do the trick.
You've asked a question a newcomer will usually ask shortly after the first few posts. I think you are panicking and desperately looking for a last minute fix, or second guessing DBing techniques. IMO, initiating more contacts is pursuing.
Stay calm. Try to keep peaceful thoughts tonight. Be good to yourself, and don't let your mind wander into trying to analyze your W. Just do this to get through this night, okay?
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
