7 weeks in feels like a lifetime.

[lovethehub]

Tell me- in your situation were you hesitant to recommit because you still weren't feeling loved by your spouse?

I didn't trust that my H would change or that he cared about any more than he had in the previous years of hell when I thought he didn't give a sh*! about me. I never wanted to lose him and when I had the A it was out of loneliness and feeling unloved and unwanted for years. People always say "if you want to have an A why don't you just leave" but the reason is usually because you DON'T want to leave, you just make a really, really bad choice because your emotions have taken over and you need to feel loved and wanted again. I was afraid to give that up. I wanted to be with my H but the thought of giving up the feeling of being cared about again was unbearable. I had no reason to believe it would be any different. I was also really, really angry that I had asked (begged) for years to try and fix our M and he had no interest; then I was happy again and he suddenly cared? That made me so mad. I know now that it was just that he had received a wake up call but at the time it was absolutely infuriating!

My husband shared that all the changes I am making (working out three nights a week, meeting new friends, going out) is in an effort to control the situation by putting him on lockdown as the babysitter. My husband works at 4am and goes to bed by 9. I acknowledged he is carrying the majority of childcare and asked that he recommend an alternative so it was equal.

I will not stop GAL but I am willing to be fair on child care.
Considering initiating one conversation to clarify it is not about him.

Don't try to convince him otherwise because he won't believe you. However, don't ignore it either and keep doing it or he will believe it is a control thing. Just ask "How can we work out my need to workout/meet my friends/have fun/whatever with your needs? I want this to be fair for both of us because now that I am getting out again I realize how much I missed it and I don't intend to give it up.

What is your situation? Do you work? Do you have any free time? You can GAL while he is working and it can be just as effective..just talk on the phone to friends about how much fun you had while he is in the other room (but can hear you), or do some of the things when he is home and some when he is at work. If it feels like a punishment to him he will not see it as you moving on with your life, he will see it as you punishing him.