Working on it, but affair hasn't ended yet...

[t33]

Didn't see this post until I'd already gone back to the hotel. She was asleep and I just went to sleep too. We slept in and left to go to breakfast separately. She texted me where she was and asked if I wanted to join. While probably doing the wrong thing, I said yes and joined her. We are mostly in silence.

We then took a long walk prior to the event tonight and of course I talked to her. I said in the heat of the moment and all the passion and craziness of yesterday we shouldn't be making any major decisions. For both of us. She can't really hear me of course - no ability to listen to logic.

Yesterday she called her work and took back her resignation. While she doesn't want to go back it she wants to make sure she has a job and doesn't want to take the potential job at my work anymore. She also said she realized she needed to take care of herself since I asked for her credit cards when she gave me her rings yesterday. It was at the heat of the moment. Ugh.

She said the other man broke it off yesterday. I'm sure it's because I threatened to expose them to his family. Even with him "gone" (for now) - She said that she will always feel the same love for him and that she will never feel the same for me again. While I know this isn't necessarily true - it is very hard. She's preparing herself to leave. She's said she's done lots of thinking yesterday and I feel like she's resigned herself that she doesn't want to try anymore. We were supposed to move out of the country together in January for a short time for my work. She was so excited - even know the OM wouldn't be there. I doubt she has any desire to go anymore.

I feel like she is completely lost at this point and don't know if she'll ever come back. I know - detach, GAL, etc. this is just too hard. I'm completely in a whirlwind and I don't know how to get out. She's distancing herself and her emotions from me. I feel like I'm completely losing her.