I'm substantially late to this particular conversation but still want to weigh in if you don't mind.
When I read your last update I read a lot of live there from your H. Sure its not doing him any favours because something else is going on and no it doesn't mean you should be any more tolerant of his nonsense but I think he genuinely loves you still.
However, it also doesn't matter at this point because his anguish is hurting you and so you need to protect yourself which right now means detaching. It seems like you did a good job in setting your boundaries.
I hope everything away from your situation is going well and you're having a lot of fun
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress