Sometimes - and I think this is one of those cases - we have to cycle back to basics. If he has a plan B, is outward focus, etc., no sense working on the M. Tell him that when he says he still wants to save M. The only way to save M is him cutting all contact w/ OW and investing himself fully in saving the M. Period. End of story. Non-negotiable. If he questions it, just hit him with the gospel that any decent MC will tell him that it just doesn't work while there are three people involved, and you aren't going to waste your time and his while he is going on w/ OW.
Reassert your protective boundaries. No cake eating by him. Refocus on yourself and your life. All those sorts of things you were hoping to not have to ever do again.
On the saying he loves her after only a few weeks: this is typical running away from painful feelings rather than facing them. He doesn't love her. She just gives him that short-term fix that allows him to soothe that pain that is deep in his soul.
Finally, don't expect a lot of rational thought or responses from H at this moment. He is not in that place. Nothing he says can be taken at face value and he will likely be all over the place. He has no idea what he really feels or wants, just like he can't possibly know that he loves this W. Don't waste your energy trying to puzzle this all out and make sense of it, it will only add a headache to the rest of the suffering and pain.
Good luck & sorry again.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
