So there are some clues in your last post. Your W doesn't feel you heard her or respected her opinion when she offered it. This may or may not be true, but it is obviously how she feels.
Do you present your solutions, or do you ask her opinion/thought? I ask because this has been one of my problems and I see signs of this in what you related in this post. If the answer is present solutions, listening is not enough.
My first suggestion is that you begin thinking about how you pose ideas. "Hey, I was had an idea. XXXX. What do you think about it?" vs. "I think we should do XXXX." Ask her opinion. Show you respect her and her thoughts.
The second is to show that you really did listen. Come back in a day or two with "I was thinking about what you said yesterday/two days ago... I see why you feel that way." Then tell her what that reflection on what she said produced (the hard part is that you actually have to consider what she said and not just listen). There are a whole lot of things that she told you in that conversation that you can be thinking about, so pick one or two and really approach them with curiosity.
Don't get too caught up in the spew. Yes, of course you caused her to make a choice to have an A. See how bad you were, you forced her. She had no say in the matter. It was just a moral imperative that she should have an A. A lot of this kind of disconnect from basic logic happens to protect oneself w/ A & MLC, etc. It is difficult to listen to and lots of STFU smoothies are consumed in the process, but it really is just something that is best handled via the duck/water approach (water off a duck's back).
Great that you didn't get drawn into reacting and that you validated. See if the above helps you take it another step.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
