Lorelai: My waking life

[Pyrite]

Hey L,

that was a lifetime ago. I think that was my last thread, but still see if you interested - oh just re-read my post. I think it was something about detaching and where are you? (reference was to CindySy's thread).

anyway, maybe i still misunderstand - i thought you said YOU were filing for D and it seems that H is definitely the one who should be doing this.

also - my post confused this issue - my W doesn't deny EA/PA but this was not wrong. Go figure.

New stuff - I encourage you to at least browse my thread only for the reason that things do get better and I think it might be helpful for you to see this. I was where you are - in some ways I still am.

My W has been hideous to negotiate with. We are lawyer stage because of this. I am still flabbergasted, gobsmacked that this was my intimate partner of 12 years and i NEVER thought she even had it in her to do all of the horrible things she has done, including being so ridiculously stubborn about the kids.

So where are you at with DB/DR, 180s, GAL, forgiveness, etc. Don't leave it so long next time, my mind isn't what it used to be and I forget everything .

In so far as R. Zeus posted to me ages ago re: the steps his DB coach outlined towards R. I think they were, say goodbye to old M, (eventually, maybe) friends, (eventually, maybe) romance, then R. In this case it is more like a brand new relationship, rather than reconciliation. I think the rec^n part comes in as in an intimate relationship you couldn't possibly deny your previous R/M, so you have to work through these.

It sounds like you are b/n steps 1 and 2, even at 1. In all these steps, possibly before 3 (friends) you should be firmly on the path to self-improvement, DBing etc.

I too am concerned that my W will never make the changes that now I am starting to demand before we can even get to 3. For one - slowing the slightest remorse for how she has treated me. I won't rehash these but she has been very nasty, and now sh is calmer it is clear that these are not just anger of the moment issues. Anyway, its all posted over these boards.

But, my message for you is that if you do follow this path (see at least posts between me and PigPen on my thread ) you WILL get to a place where you are open to R, but you are not waiting for R. If he comes around, great. If he doesn't, he doesn't. And that won't define you. When I suggest dont wait, I am NOT at all suggesting you look for another relationship. All i am suggesting is live your own life and enjoy everything that really is a part of it now. Somethings you have forgotten, somethings you have never seen, somethings you just can't see right now because of your circumstances.