The Dance of Uncertainty Continues...

[PigPen]

Had a great day of GAL. Spent it at a workshop (had to stop typing since there was a couple on TV hugging and I burst out crying...amazing how it just sneaks up on you. Damn it, I truly hate the emotional roller coaster of all of this)

Ok, moving on.

Spent it at a workshop for a new area of my business. An area that I wanted to get in during my M but just couldn't due to the financial constraints of our family housing and the relationship I had with my business partner. After BD and my cost of living went down (3BR house to 600 sf studio) my partner and I had a heart to heart and came to terms with the fact that I wanted to do some work in other areas beyond what we do. I loved the seminar, and am so jazzed by the possibilities that exist now.

Cadet and GB had a conversation going back and forth about whether DB's and our sitch's were gifts. On some level mine is. It was a wake up call for me to stop living unauthentically and start living authentically. Doing so has changed so many areas of my life positively. In that regard I view my W taking off as a gift. Or at least, and with so much credit going to the amazing people on this forum, the fact that I've used it as a propellant for personal growth is a gift in an odd sense. I'm grateful for that.

But, during the seminar I was included on a group text from a friend that doesn't know we're separated, asking to visit. My W wrote back "Sorry, PP and I aren't together any more."

I had to get up and go outside and take some deep breaths to calm myself down. Granted it didn't ruin my whole weekend like it would have a few months ago, but was not what I needed during a time when I was finally detaching a bit, at least for a few hours. Everyday seems to have some kind of reminder that we're in this bad place and that this isn't a gift, it's just a really awful, painful experience.

My W was my best friend, and I miss her immensely. Everyday. I wouldn't trade her for my sobriety, but I miss her to no end.