gan 7 - Ants Marching

[Zues126]

Gan, Mozza...you'd be proud of me! I mentioned on my thread my I was offended by something my dad had said the other day at lunch about how stupid it was to have a life goal of "growing old with someone". Then he did something else that was meant to be considerate (he referred me to his financial adviser and told me his fa was expecting a call/email to ensure I had his contact info) but I'm so overwhelmed I was resentful he was putting more things to do on my plate.

Normally I would just bury it and move on. Instead I took the advice of my DB coach and emailed him how I felt. I tried to be tactful and acknowledge his positive intent and that I didn't feel he did anything wrong, while still voicing how it impacted me and where I was.

The result? We had a great conversation today and he agreed being direct is a good way to go.

Normally I don't copy/paste exact emails, but I think my Dad is safe so here it is. I'm feeling good. Hooray us for being direct!


Dad,

I hope you had a nice father's day as well.

One thing I have learned is I have a hard time with conflict. That is why I have relatively few close friends, and why when the going gets rough I tend to withdraw into my own world. This is something I'm working on, and DB Coach encouraged me to share my feelings with you.

The other day at lunch I found myself getting very upset. I didn't understand why at the time because it happened rather quickly. Looking back I was able to figure it out. When you were talking about the absurdity of a life goal of growing old with someone it pained me deeply. That happened to be a life goal of mine, and one that has been subject to a loss I'm not only still grieving, but one that is so expansive I am still stunned by the blow it has been to me. I am fully aware this misses the primary points of the story you were trying to tell and I know you wouldn't deliberately cause me to suffer, I just wasn't able to see past that because I am still very sensitive to this topic.

As for financial advisor, I will tell you that I am feeling beyond overwhelmed. My mediation is schedule for next Thursday and I am being bombarded with requests for documentation for the courts, on top of the parenting, job, and responsibilities that are crushing down on me. I was upset when you threw this on my plate and asked me to email him, but I realize you have only the best intentions and aren't aware of how I'm feeling. I can see this was a generous thing to do in ordinary situations as I am sure I'll benefit from meeting him at some point.

When I write this I could see how it could sound absurd to be disturbed by a comment about a life goal, or to feel resentment at having one 10 minute task put on my plate. I would agree if I wasn't in the spot I'm in. I feel very close to the breaking point and am reacting to pretty much emergencies only at this time. And even my definition of emergency has loosened up as fairly important things are starting to slide through the cracks.

I don't expect you to walk on eggshells around me. I am learning that I can handle a little turbulence now and then, and that is a small price to pay for the joy of having you in my life. The fact is if I didn't care as much as I do about you I wouldn't have made it a priority to share this. Frankly I still don't understand what good will come of it, but DB Coach insists this is what mature people do- "represent themselves". If it sounds like I'm speaking in psychobabble I probably am, I don't know what to do anymore so I'm basically trying to surround myself with people I trust and do what I'm told.

Thanks for being one of those people Dad. I love you and will talk to you soon.