My W has reduced her emails to me down to four word replies, she stopped addressing them to me personally months ago and now just heads them with "hey". It's as if using my name would be too painful for her (mind reading I know)
I mentioned in one of my earlier threads about how her language had become very prozake (or very formal if you will) which is likely a reaction to the language I use. She uses my name now, but back before BD she didn't need to. It's like she's doing the friendly neighbor on me.
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I look at her replies as going through her own mental/emotional version of Wonka. She has an outcome that she wants and an emotional protection system in place - that is trying to protect that outcome. All of her replies get filtered through that system - using my name may give me hope, or may be too painful for her, or some other reason that I can't even think of. But it has a reason.
This I can relate to. Any and all communications from her are about a specific topic based in practicality. I know that's what we should be doing as part of the process and it's a reflection of that and I can relate.
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We have to view our system as having its own agenda too so without Wonka, we just write what we "think or feel" not realizing that our system has probably tainted it with it's own flavor of need.
Yes, I get this as well. Interesting that at the end of my last thread the short text I sent to my WW RE surprising me with S9 created a bit of a storm. Funny how just a couple of words that you normally wouldn't think twice about using can provoke such a reaction. Sad but true.
You think it's about you....however, as I mentioned above...waywards are singularly focused on OM.
Their responses to you are all couched in how or what OM will think about them in the context of the story they've told OM about you and your marriage.
Further, OM may be jealous or fearful of your wife going back to you. From his standpoint, YOU are the biggest threat to their relationship. Actually many OM's are cunning enough players to innately know to use that against their married woman in a manner that gets them the best sex and admiration. They ACT jealous and possessive and the wayward wife eats that up. Other times they do it to demonstrate and confirm a hatred of you to their OM knowing that OM, a single man, could take off on them at any time for any reason, thus they need to constantly confirm for OM that he's her knight in shining armor rescuing her from her awful emotionally (and maybe she told him physically) abusive husband. Many wayward wives sell the OM on this savior thing because guys like saving women and they have to keep running with it even after the facts change (like you moving back in with her and telling her you want to save the marriage which is likely quite contrary to uncaring jerk she made you out to be).
Don't let her words or lack-o-words bother you. Her affair and words really aren't about you. She's not having this affair AT you. This is about something wrong and broken deep within her (which is why, as her husband, you make an effort to SAVE her, while knowing you'll be fine either way).
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
