Yeah you are dead on with the ... different sitch, same thoughts. I think to myself .. was I just saving the M to save the M because currently, and keep in mind this is almost 2 years of separation and MLC rollercoaster rides later talking (This little boy has a tummy ache and wants off the ride) ... I question what W can offer me .... sure we get along, I enjoy being with her, and I love the thought of a family and S having both parents around. BUT ... and there is a BUT ... I feel zero intimacy with her and that is very important to me, its a NEED not a want, I refuse to go back and live in a sexless/loveless marriage and lately I have been wrestling some of what I consider the Hangover Demons ... sex, I was told she was medically broken, well that was not the case, I understand she closed that door to me with our issues, but how fast it was opened for OM stings, and its something I have not got over. Even now its not on the table ... will it ever be or do I get sucked right back into a M where sex is not going to be a part of things. I think ^^^ this is my hang up.. why I hesitate .. why I am struggling. I crave the physical closeness but realize its pursuit. I notice the frustration coming back, W is all over the place pulled from different directions and our M is one of them. I do get the vibe of Do this Cali and you get that .. ... again .. old M stuff where I had to jump through hoops to attempt to get my needs met only to end up frustrated after the goal was moved further out .... something I need to address.
We have another Post meeting this weekend, I have had some time to really think about things (This might not be a good thing), and honestly I am just not sure. I do want to allow her time, if there is a chance I/we can be happy in this M I want to give that a chance, I just do not know how much more I have in me to wait this out (again MLC time warp ... we touched on this morning she forgets how long its been, feels like for her it was just a couple months), and deep down ... I am not certain she can be and give me what I need in this.
