The Dance of Uncertainty Continues...

[PigPen]

Interesting day yesterday for me. For some reason I switched over from the depression I've been in in the last few days to a bolt of anger about my W.

If you've read my sitch, I was a bit of a mess throughout my M. However, my W wasn't perfect either. I've taken ownership for my 50%, heck even for 60% and some days 100%. But yesterday I got really angry.

I started wondering if my W has done any of the work that I have. She told me that she went to an IC twice and the IC released her since she had nothing else to work on. "Come see me if you need a tune up" was what she was told.

She also told me that she's now gotten so spiritual that she doesn't have bad days any more. They'r all just lessons for her now. Perhaps I married the female version of the Dalai Lama and didn't know it.

I thought about how many times I actually did express my needs in my M, calmly and like an adult, and how they were ignored or marginalized. This was all in considering my role in the break up and what things would look like if there was a chance of reconciliation.

I'm not sure which is easier to deal with, the depression or the anger, but it was curiously a nice switch to hold the thought, "maybe things weren't as grand as I'm remembering them to be."