None of us can believe that we're where we're at. I've probably uttered that same sentence 100 times since BD, "I can't believe this is happening." Even this morning when lying in bed I shook my head and said to myself, "This is completely insane."
I think following DB makes us feel even more crazy (even though I'm an advocate), since it involves not shutting down. If you hold space while everything around you goes insane it feels like your life is insane too. That's why everyone I know who's also getting a D is out getting drunk, screwing everything in site, and not using any of the pain as a motivator to better themselves.
A good buddy of mine just had his gf leave him. I asked him what reasons she gave him for leaving and he said, "they're irrelevant, she just doesn't know what she wants."
She knows exactly what she wants, someone that's not controlling, dominant, and is open to change!
All of the reconciling in the world isn't going to prove what was real and what was imaginary. Maybe it was all real, and maybe it was all imaginary. Either way you lived it, experienced it and it got you to where you are today - which is real.
Stay present Heavy, today is one more day on your journey. Live it to the fullest.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
