S9 turns up. It's a crappy rainy night here (well it's Scotland and summer so what do you expect?). WW dropped him off. So I txt her
Me: wow, so thanks. Unexpected. Really appreciate it. It's nice to see him. WW: he wanted to see you and it's raining Me: that's great, so what time should I drop him off? You can come in and say hi you know.
Did I do wrong?
I hate that I have to over analyse this stuff.
You did fine. Don't take it personally if she rebuffs the invite. Do you have any face-to-face opportunities? If so, just leave it to those and don't invite. If not, that might be worth thinking about as a baby step goal you strategize how to reach.
Just enjoy the surprise opportunity with your S!
I did mate. And thanks for the input again.
I believe there is a real cultural difference going on here. What I said wasn't abnormal in anyway. It may look odd to you guys but if I said "away an bile yer heed"'you would not have a clue what that meant. Equally, "Iree man" jamacia. I'm not from there but it has a meaning to them. Get my drift?
Ah say one! (don't remember much, but when I was in college a couple decades ago I had a job typing up one of my English professor's notes. She was Jamaican & her work was on Jamaican pigdin literature).
Iree = happy? no?
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Ok, for the audience. And yes. I appreciate the input but before I need to start a new thread I think this is worth a mention.
Statement A) it's ok to come in and say hi you know
Where I live this is a strong confident statement.
Statement B) if you want to come say hi that's ok.
Weak. Just weak.
If you guys have a better suggestion I'm up for that. This is a learning curve after all.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
S9 turns up. It's a crappy rainy night here (well it's Scotland and summer so what do you expect?). WW dropped him off. So I txt her
Me: wow, so thanks. Unexpected. Really appreciate it. It's nice to see him. WW: he wanted to see you and it's raining Me: that's great, so what time should I drop him off? You can come in and say hi you know.
Did I do wrong?
Do not mention anything like that to W. Asking how she is doing, how her work is doing, inviting her in the house are all no-no's. I learned the hard way. Anything that is perceived to be personal or in the area of personal space tends to make the walls grow thicker and higher instantly.
Plus it makes you appear overly EAGER to see her like L'Pepe chasing Penelope the cat.
I believe you are right about the cultural thing, so I was probably wrong about you adding "you know" at the end. But in the US Midwest, that would come off sounding sarcastic.
But back to Wonka's post, please listen, she knows what she's talking about!!
Good luck, mate.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
This has nothing to do with a cultural barrier. It's the fact that you brought it up (even if it was good intentioned) and added the "you know". That would turn her off.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Do not mention anything like that to W. Asking how she is doing, how her work is doing, inviting her in the house are all no-no's. I learned the hard way. Anything that is perceived to be personal or in the area of personal space tends to make the walls grow thicker and higher instantly.
Plus it makes you appear overly EAGER to see her like L'Pepe chasing Penelope the cat.
Now my W is not in an A, but it is interesting that my DB coach is encouraging me to engage in "hey, how are you doing?" and then listen if she wants to talk but move on to focus on the kids if she is reluctant. It also has lead to her being more light and open since I started. Now, there are times when one of us is in a hurry. You say it is a no-no, but I think it may depend on the particulars of the sitch and the R. Again, my W is a WAW going through MLC not a WW, so that may be why the no-no advice you are giving NDY.
I agree that the invite to come in might be too eager, but I'd be interested if you are making a blanket statement or something just specific to when there is an A in the case of things like asking how are you doing how are things going in a light friendly manner?
Last edited by asitis; 06/26/1502:51 AM. Reason: typo
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
I get your drift. It's not being smart, but a general way of saying 'hello'. OK, we all make mistakes, but I don't think this is the worst. Cultural differences between places isn't new; East v West Scotland is like being in a different land and we're only 45 miles apart.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Ok points received and understood. Thanks for the input.
Trust me on this though. There is no way I could be perceived as being over eager outside that one line in one txt. Honestly.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
