Don't worry about when to waive the flag just yet. Your life has moved really fast, married with kids at a young age, and without much foundation. You'll be ok, but rushing around now would just make it worse. You don't need to make a bunch more rushed life decisions. If you need to sit put for a year, put one foot in front of the other, take care of your kid, pray, and breathe...well, that's a year well spent. The urge to do something and get resolution is your enemy. Just be for a while.
No matter what you'll be ok. It will be hard emotionally, financially, and spiritually. But if you are a spiritual person I'd encourage you to pray every day. Pray for strength, pray for detachment, pray for appreciation for what you have.
True story- today a coworker had a funeral for her 14 month old. No matter how bad things are, be grateful. If you can't find appreciation in your world today, with the miracle of your life, your child, your family, and your gifts...a reconciled M won't change that.
So if you slow down, don't do anything sudden, and focus on detaching, being appreciative, and being the person you want to be (so you can look back and feel proud of how you handled it) you're on the right path. Situations will come up. You'll deal with them. You'll grow. H will do what he does. Things will play out. You'll get through. But it starts with detaching to a point that you can endure that time passing. You can do it B.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
