Headed for Separation, Maybe Divorce

[asitis]

Sorry you are here, but there is a lot of good help and support.

You are early into this, so a bit of crazy is expected. Still, scaring your wife by blocking her exit is a warning flag that you want to deal w/ in your IC. Separation rules are important, but your behavior last weekend is critical to address w/ your IC.

You start by calling your W a WW, but then I didn't see any specifics of an affair. WW here meains wayward wife, as in has left you for another person. Do you have suspicions or has W disclosed anything.

Glad you are doing the coaching. Jody is great (I've had two sessions with her) & she will be a great help if you let her. I'm already seeing improvements in myself and my R, even if we haven't progressed to anything significant, and those are in big part a consequence of the coaching as well as work here on the forums.

It is very hard, but you need to work on detaching hard. Your emotions are driving you, and that is going to not do you or your M any good right now. So study that thread on detaching that Cadet posted.

Your W is asking for an S, not a D at this point. You can't avoid the S without risking driving her to a D, so one 180 is to embrace the S. Treat it as a positive opportunity for you both. Figure out what will make it as productive and happy (I know it doesn't seem like it can ever be, but trust me, you are about to get some time to do some things that focus just on you and that is a real opportunity for most of us in Ms). Again the rules are important, but I'd let her drive setting the agenda there. You may want some non-negotiables, but you really have 0 leverage. She is going to pursue the S with or without your agreement on the ground rules.

So, while I'm not saying don't think about what rules you'd like to ask for, focus most of your attention on what you want to do during this time. What things have you wanted to do, but haven't had time or the freedom to do? Is there anything that you've been neglecting in your life (exercise, hobby, old friends)? You've been given a chance to chase those. This is the GAL part and it will make you more attractive to your W, which I know Jody will have been stressing to you.

Also, what are your list of things that you are going to work on about yourself? What have you done that has contributed to your M problems? What things don't you like about yourself that you want to change? What haven't you been doing that would make you happy (and no, having your W come back is not the answer to this question)

Make lemonade out of the lemon. The more you focus on this stuff the quicker you will get to a good place for yourself and saving your M.

Good luck & keep posting!