*need help*

[asitis]

I've scanned through your sitch, and you really have gone through a lot that would take a lot of people down.

I know you are trying to save your M, but a couple things jumped out at me. First your H has threatened to kill you if that friend you wanted to sleep with touched you. Second, you said he has also threatened you because of OW. You don't elaborate on what those threats were. At a minimum you should think what requirements/standards you will have for him before you agree to fully return to the marriage.

You have a lot of individual as well as couples issues to work on, and so does he. If it were me, those threats would have me insist that he get some specific counseling on anger and spousal abuse. Even if he says he didn't really mean it, you don't threaten to kill someone you supposedly love. That ain't love. I don't know what your health insurance situation, but some counseling for both of you seems to be in order so that you don't end up right back where you are, just two years from now.

Don't listen to anything the OW tells you about H, as it is worth less than nothing.

Keep focusing on yourself and what you want out of your life, improvements you want to make in your life regardless of what happens to your M. You don't really have any control over your H right now, and getting another focus is critical to both getting through this and increasing your chances that you have the opportunity to decide build a new marriage w/ your H should he prove himself worthy.