I hear what you are saying about telling the kids that we still love each other. But I don't think I will be able to lie to my children - and it would be a big lie. I would prefer to omit the whole subject. I won't go out of my way to say that we don't love each other, but I also cannot in good faith tell them that we do. I am working on a script that may help me a bit.
I am not chassidic. And I am not worried about reputation from a religious point of view: I have pretty much the full support of my community. In fact, as I mentioned, people would like me to move faster against my W. Her actions seem to be casting a pall over our close-knit community.
As far as reputation goes, it is probably much more of an ego thing - I admit it. I just don't want someone maliciously spreading lies about me. I think that deep down I worry it can jeopardize my chances in a future relationship - by putting me on the defensive. I contributed to the breakdown of our M, but I am really not a bad person. I still pride myself on trying to do the right thing (I guess there is still a lot of "Nice Guy" in me - thanks again for the NMMNG reference) I have gone to great lengths (as you have seen in my previous posts) to protect our privacy even though every bone in my body wants to paint a scarlet letter on my WWs forehead. It bothers me that someone without scruples can willfully violate my personal matters. I don't want W or her camp spreading a narrative about me that she concocted after BD to justify her actions. Ego! get it?
