2 Post - learning too slowly

[Zelda09]

Last, I agree with Matt. As with the tapping, each painful thought, you identify the specific and unique pain and replace it with a loving and comforting thought for yourself.

The fear you speak of can work the same way. Isolate each fearful thought.

For example, you fear that You lost the love of your life bc you were a terrible H? (NOT TRUE) - but look at it square and accept it as something 1.you can't really know and 2. maybe fact/assume the worst instead of wrestling with it, churning the fear and hoping to find hope. I hate to say it, but almost assume the worst - fear and hope are unproductive bed buddies, their own yin and yang, right? Get rid of them both! After you accept the fact that you can't know, and your worst fears may be valid - comfort yourself as a parent would a child. If needed, you can even visualize yourself as a hurting child. "It will be ok. You are worth loving and pursuing." Forgive yourself for whatever errors you think you made, and then comfort.

I know my own head had a way of going into overdrive, where I didn't know what questions I was even trying to answer. And it helped me to slow it down, divide and conquer each concern or fear by gently telling myself that all of the things I imagine he is doing, feeling, thinking in his free time, and outside of our upcoming D, are not really my business, he and I are separate as strangers.

You gotta play counselor with yourself. Keep asking why when you get stuck. As an example, I became very upset learning my H is now blaming the accident for the M's end, and it wrecked me for a day. So, why do you feel upset about this, Z? Afraid of his truth, afraid others might believe it, indignant bc it is more blame game when he outright used me, abuse happened before accident, and then all his accident ailments went away day after D discussion, liar! and now he is leaning on the accident again...is this something he believes- or more knowing the right thing to say to the right person?, upset this is how he has to look at himself in the mirror, and even IF he did believe that, why there was no apology, even now...and THEN - So, Z, this is upsetting, but what does your H's rationalizations and stories really change in YOUR life right now or for the future, what can you do about it? Nothing!


And at every 'Nothing!' answer you can come up with, you will know you are not really as vulnerable as you thought you were. And some of that fear gets to RIP, not to surface again.

I hope this helps, Last.