I'll try and sum this up so it’s not too long of a historical story, but my WW and I started having serious problems back at the end of March 2015. She BD the unhappiness in our almost 6 year marriage (8 years together) when we were on vacation in Punta Cana. We have 2 children ages 4 and 1 which makes this even more difficult. We both have demanding careers, hers as an ER medical physician and mine as a network engineer. We've had our issues prior to 3 months ago, but I never knew they were as bad as they are today. She was always a closed off person and never really wore her emotions on her sleeve. As she grew into career she became "Stronger" and realized that the issues we had were nothing she should have to deal with, therefore the BD. Of course all she wanted was space and time to think about things, but me being impatient kept asking and pushing for answers on what to do and why? We both agreed to go to couples counseling about 2 weeks after things melted down. Our counselor decided to have us do "individual therapy" sessions to figure out what our own issues were, then come back together to work on things. I of course tried to keep my head straight, but went crazy. I was angry, depressed, terrified, worried, and jealous of her emotions and desires. As a result, I kept pushing, arguing and fighting instead of "leaving her alone". This just made things even worse. She continuously said "I want to be happy, I just don't know if we can be happy together. I want to do what’s best for the children". I of course would continue to hound, beg and plead. My anxiety was taking control of the situation.
Fast forward to about 3-4 weeks ago, I started to want answers and when she had enough of the fighting, she tried to leave the house. I tried to "block" her exit, never laying a finger on her. This in turn scared her and the following day she took her wedding rings off. We had a counseling session after that and we agreed on a "truce" and to focus on the kids/family until the next session (since our Therapist would be out of town) 2 weeks later. During these two weeks I was cordial, polite and focused on my children. Of course she was very "hostile" and "cold" to me and finally imploded this past Friday. I told her "fine, if you want a divorce, I'll give you one".
As it stands now she wants to "separate" since this is the only chance left she feels to save our relationship and to see what life is like without each other. I have been very against the idea, because it feels like practicing for divorce. So this past Tuesday we sat down and talked about logistics, money, etc. I know she's been in contact with her ATTY about my actions this past weekend. I've been in touch with mine as well. We had a therapy session yesterday and talked about the separation and the "rules".
Started my first DB coaching session with Jody yesterday before our counseling, she was very influential about starting my 180. Therapy was tough though, it was still "charged" none the less. After therapy, per counselor’s instruction, we went to sit down and right down all of our "separation agreements". As Jody told me, I embraced the situation and used this opportunity to give her what she needs right now; time off. I ordered DR on Amazon yesterday, so it should be here for me to read tonight. I really want to give this a honest shot, but I have no idea about her.
I'm real nervous about all of this, I'm pretty confident that her mind is set for the big D. At the same time, I'm looking forward to my time for myself to GAL. I don't know what our future holds and that’s the worst part about all of this. It’s the hardest thing to detach and not think of her. Our SL went to hell after the trip to Punta Cana and I really miss the affection and love.
