Where I focus on charity and prayer

[DifRent]

Thanks, Cali. I do find it better to focus on not only self-improvement, but really in a humble way on how I allowed those weeds to grow. When I look back on our introduction to the OW at the end of March and all the manipulative steps she took to position herself to steal my W away just a few weeks later, it's easy for me to become enraged. If only we hadn't met her, this wouldn't have happened!

And that's true... I know for sure my W would never have left without someone else to go to. (A dependency issue there that also should be addressed... I digress.) But... when I look back at our relationship honestly, it's also true that those weeds were there and had been growing since August, and would likely still be growing had the OW not so radically shaken things up. We might have found ourselves in an increasingly suffocating relationship, which while at the moment I'd like to think I'd prefer to this hot mess, is also not a vehicle for growth and becoming who God wants us to be.

I do not have it in my heart to be THANKFUL to the OW for this, but I am thankful to God for not allowing that potential scenario to unfold. A relationship like that might actually be harder to repair than the relationship my W and I might be able to begin anew down the road.

Just now, she made a comment from upstairs about how "self-conscious" she is about the fact that my mom suggested we go "dutch" at the lunch with the mortgage lender on Monday. I asked why she was self-conscious. She said, "I don't want your mom to think that I'm struggling."

What I wanted to say was, "She knows you are, in lots of ways. And the truth is, it's good to be open and honest and vulnerable with people who love you. Such people love you for all your weaknesses and flaws, it's not about impressing them with how awesome you are. You know, like you're doing with the OW."

Nope, didn't say a word of that. Just took a big gulp of STFU smoothie and instead asked, "Well, are you struggling?"

She said, "Well, I'm stressed."

I said, "We know you are."

And left it at that.