It is a no contest at all. The OW is bound to lose...badly.
Thanks for the encouraging prognostication, Wonka!
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I hope you all are right. She came home excited this afternoon having garnered two potential new buyer leads. But the OW is very demanding about what she does and doesn't like on the inspection reports on the places she is buying and selling. And the insurance company is having a bit of a fit about the condition of the roof on the place my W is buying in the hood. She's acting happy and excited right now, but the pressure - especially regarding the place she wants to move to - is building...
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Yes... even though I want to say, "Why are you always coming to me for approval???" I wasn't overly enthusiastic. But I definitely said good job.
(Twice. Because just now she went on and on about "some other good thing she did.")
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
I like this progress I see not only in your sitch ... but in you. You are starting to view things from what I feel is the 'above it' perspective. Yes as Wonka said perfectly .. plant those nice seeds, water them with affection, allow them to take root. I think it was BIL3 who used a reference tht really has stuck with me through all this. We allow the devil to plant weeds in our M, those weeds small and irritating at first but soon they started choking out the actual plants .... so with love and kindness we have to gently pull the weeds, and be careful not to disrupt the plants. These actions you are essentially doing this very thing.
Keep your side of the street clean, warm and inviting ... let OW and her weeds grow, your side is looking more and more inviting every single day.
Thanks, Cali. I do find it better to focus on not only self-improvement, but really in a humble way on how I allowed those weeds to grow. When I look back on our introduction to the OW at the end of March and all the manipulative steps she took to position herself to steal my W away just a few weeks later, it's easy for me to become enraged. If only we hadn't met her, this wouldn't have happened!
And that's true... I know for sure my W would never have left without someone else to go to. (A dependency issue there that also should be addressed... I digress.) But... when I look back at our relationship honestly, it's also true that those weeds were there and had been growing since August, and would likely still be growing had the OW not so radically shaken things up. We might have found ourselves in an increasingly suffocating relationship, which while at the moment I'd like to think I'd prefer to this hot mess, is also not a vehicle for growth and becoming who God wants us to be.
I do not have it in my heart to be THANKFUL to the OW for this, but I am thankful to God for not allowing that potential scenario to unfold. A relationship like that might actually be harder to repair than the relationship my W and I might be able to begin anew down the road.
Just now, she made a comment from upstairs about how "self-conscious" she is about the fact that my mom suggested we go "dutch" at the lunch with the mortgage lender on Monday. I asked why she was self-conscious. She said, "I don't want your mom to think that I'm struggling."
What I wanted to say was, "She knows you are, in lots of ways. And the truth is, it's good to be open and honest and vulnerable with people who love you. Such people love you for all your weaknesses and flaws, it's not about impressing them with how awesome you are. You know, like you're doing with the OW."
Nope, didn't say a word of that. Just took a big gulp of STFU smoothie and instead asked, "Well, are you struggling?"
She said, "Well, I'm stressed."
I said, "We know you are."
And left it at that.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Had a great night out with a friend who has also been dumped... drinking, eating, seeing a comedy show, drinking again. Almost crashed in her hotel room here in the neighborhood, but thought that would have more impact if my W actually saw my car in the parking lot, which she wouldn't. So... came home instead.
Moving the boys into their apartment in the morning. Because of the sitch with my W, I feel like this whole rite of passage has been stripped of its import, and tarnished. My heart should be breaking ONLY because of the empty nest, not because of this and all the stuff my W is doing to us. They are so excited to move into their new place, but I am so sad to see them leave. Equally sad that odds are good this home won't ever be a home for them to come to again. So much loss in so little time...
This is why after they are settled, I will meet with my Stephen Minister, then go see my mom. And probably cry. So thankful I have such a good mom even at my "advanced" age.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
So thankful I have such a good mom even at my "advanced" age.